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A Little Bit of Motivation

I need things to look forward to so I can get through the whole of February, which I think would be the hellest of all the hell months I have ever been through. Having said that, here's my things-to-do-list for March:

1. catch up on anime/mangas
2. cooking lessons with Momi Mae [03.15/16]
3. ice skating at Mall of Asia with batchmates [03.09]
4. try Fuzion's smoothie with vodka
5. write fanfictions
6. continue doodles and sketches
7. clean room 
8. tumblr like there's no tomorrow
9. breakfast with Chaii and Janine
10. finish blog entries in drafts
11. videoke like craaaazy [03.08]
12. horror movie marathons at Faura
13. DotA with F308 guys + sir Rod
14. Rockband until one of my fingers falls off [02.26]
15. Tagaytay trip to watch sunset
16. finish Golden Sun 2
17. play tennis [03.16]

The Final Countdown

So I listed all the requirements I need to get done before February ends. Just looking at it makes me want to turn back now. Le sigh. But this is it. It's the last of the hell months before we can finally graduate. Wish us all the best of lucks.

TCOM152.1
1. quiz (feb19)
2. project (feb21)
3. finals (feb24)
4. bonus paper (feb24)


TCOM152.2
1. project (feb21)


TCOM126
1. long test (feb21)
2. finals (feb23)
3. project


JSP104
1. kanji quiz (feb16)
2. kanji quiz (feb18)
3. finals (feb24)


ECE163
1. seminar papers (jan28)


CE180
1. midterms (feb3)
2. project (feb24)


ECE191.2
1. code (feb7)
2. first draft (feb18)
3. defense (feb16)
4. hardbound copy (feb28)

Can we just skip February and go straight to March? 

Freefall

Really, if I had wanted to be suddenly plunged into mid-air, I would have signed up for a bungee jump experience. I can't remember giving you permission to push me off a cliff.

Do you get some kind of thrill out of being an asshole?

Or are you deliberately being one just to piss me off?

If you're doing it on purpose, it's working really well. I mean, you're the only one who have ever pissed me off using earphones, anyway. That has got to be an accomplishment for you, isn't it?

If it's war you want, then I'm gonna give it to you. I swear, before the year ends, I am going to find an excuse to punch you in the face. Maybe then I could knock the asshole-ness out of you.


Rachel - 3
Mr. Prissy Pants - 4

Four Stars for Three Idiots

This is exactly the kind of movie people need to watch before they enter college.


(I will edit this later when I'm more coherent.)

Of Banoffee Pies and Short Notes

You still owe me a slice of this, darling.

Glücklich Geburtstag.

Dear You,


Remember when we used to talk about cupcakes and whatnot? Or how it would be lovely to have a tea party out in the garden? Or how you're so good at baking and how I'm just not made for the kitchen (I'm still waiting for that banoffee pie you promised me, you know.)?


Remember when I just got out of the hospital and you told me to 'get well soon'? Or how I kept on saying the same thing to you for several days because your surgery schedule kept on being pushed to a later date because your doctor wasn't available?


Remember when we used to listen to John Mayer and Neutral Milk Hotel non-stop? Or how we drool over pictures of Jon Kortajarena without his shirt on?


Well... I'm just trudging down the path of sweet ol' nostalgia. And I'm dragging you along with me.


I miss you, idiot.




Love,
Me




P.S.
I figured out that playing Moffatt's 'I Miss You Like Crazy' at a time like this doesn't help at all.

Bipolar

"Sometimes I am inclined to believe that I really am bipolar."

That's what I wrote on Dexter's Facebook wall last night. He brainwashed me into thinking that I am one. Well, it isn't that bad, knowing that he's just as bipolar as me (maybe worse), but what the hell.

Here's what urban dictionary has to say about being bipolar:

Seriously, these mood swings are a**-fuck crazy. See my last post? I was practically emitting happy, gay waves earlier. And right now? There are clouds of impending doom and gloom hovering over me, it's not even funny. :|

And the reason for these clouds? I was a bit (a bit, I swear!) jealous about something. I was more pissed, though. Tsss. Le sigh.

Ugh, these effing mood swings really need to leave me alone.


BV go away
come again no other day
Rachel really wants to be gay (as in "happy" gay)

Of Childhood Blues and Lego Crews

Last night, I had this sudden urge to play Legos. I really, really wanted to, that I was almost crying tears of want. I even considered calling my mom (at 11:35 in the evening!) just to tell her to send it through LBC. But then again, I don't have a good enough excuse for having it mailed so suddenly. Well, aside from my weird urges to relive my childhood, that is.

Anyway, Kelvin replied to my emo post in tumblr and offered to bring his Legos to school. And here they are! Ta-da! :D 

I seriously felt like my five-year old self when I got them this morning. It's pure bliss. :)

Though, I have a feeling no one would be able to talk to me tonight when I get home. Hahahaha.

My Tear Glands are Fine

I was kind of getting worried that my eyes are getting dry easily lately and that I wasn't my usual cry-over-the-simplest-things self and I thought that maybe there's something wrong with my tear glands or that I might be getting a little bit too unemotional (which I'm not sure if it's a good idea or not). But those notions were shot down the drain after I've finished watching Parent Trap.

This has got to be one of my favorite childhood movies. And I really really liked Lindsay here. She was awesome (oh, I'm sorry for speaking in the past tense). But I cannot remember if I cried over this movie when I watched it as a child. I think I might have but I cannot be so sure. I don't know what made me cry this time but it wasn't like I was crying the whole time. It was only when they found out that they were twins. And when Hallie met their mom and Annie met their dad. And when Hallie told their mom that she wasn't Annie. And when Jessie found out Annie wasn't Hallie. And when Nick and Elizabeth were kinda getting back together. And when they finally got back together. Okay, so maybe I was crying for about almost half the time... Sigh. I'm a sucker for this kind of movies, aren't I?

But yeah, it's good to know that my tear glands are still functional. I'm off to bed now. I hope Mr. Insomnia leaves me alone tonight. I really need my sleep. And I mean really.

And my Horoscope says...

"Watch your health all month but mainly near January 4 and 19."

Does it really have to be so specific? Haha.


"It is no wonder you fell in love with a Pisces; this is one of the most heavenly matches for you because you share a near-psychic ability to communicate." (astrologyzone.com)


What the hell. Hahahaha. Now, that is simply epic.

But my tarot reading tells another story:

"The Tower heralds a testing time emotionally today, dear rachel, while the Hermit indicates a powerful sense of solitude and melancholy. You are feeling abandoned by those around you, misunderstood by those you love, and totally helpless about your emotional future. Shut yourself away, stand back and consider calmly the life choices that you see before you. Under the influence of the Hermit and the Star, it is difficult for you to make any headway in your professional life. It is likely that your projects are crawling along slowly and that any suggestions you make lack forcefulness. You simply don’t have the strength or the willpower to fight for your ideas, or even make yourself heard, and this kind of lethargy is going to be working against you today. What are you proposing to do about it?" (tarot.horoscope.com)

It's still bordering on the truth, though.

White Lies

They ruined your face.

It would’ve been almost impossible to recognize you. With your right eye shut closed and your cheeks spread so wide, you couldn’t have possibly been uglier than a toad.

But I know it’s you. Even with my eyes closed I would know if it’s you.

You can dye your hair red. Or hide behind all the glamours you know. But those deep green orbs won’t lie. They scream of you – of everything that is you.

There isn’t a room for doubt. I know it’s you.

“I can’t be sure…”

But no one else needs to know.

End.

(A hundred word drabble from my LJ)

Of Countless Sheep and Sleepless Nights

I cannot remember the last time that I had a good night's sleep.

Probably that one time when I was absolutely dead tired, I was practically knocked out on my bed the minute I got home. And that was so long ago.

I have had this "jet lag" syndrome ever since the semester started. Wait, no. Ever since sem break started and I haven't gotten rid of it even until now. It's driving me insane already. It's extreme insomnia bordering on nocturnality and it's not even funny anymore.

I've got a lot of theories why I couldn't sleep. One if which is because I've been thinking a lot. And I mean, a lot. One thought just keeps on drifting to another and they just keep my mind occupied until I'm finally able to sleep. I guess this is also why I'm blogging a lot lately. The thoughts just won't stop coming. And it doesn't really help that I'm feeling a bit anti-social lately. My introversy is making itself known. I know I'm not talkative on normal days but I'm even less talkative lately.

And remember how I said that my attention span is like that of a goldfish's? Well, I take that back. It's even less than that now. It doesn't take much to distract me lately. One second I'm doing something and the next thing I know, an hour has passed and I've just been staring at nothing the whole time. Yeah, it's gotten that worse.

I think I really need to see a therapist. Sigh.

Christmas break hangover

I don't want to go back to school yet. >.<

Because going back to school means that this is really it. That I would be swamped with piles and piles of school work, that we would have to really work on our thesis, that we would be graduating in a couple of months (hopefully).

It's all happening too fast and I don't like it. I need more time.

UPCAT Results are out.

I'm just a bit depressed about the fact that I never experienced that "giddiness/anxiety attack" high school seniors have while waiting for the college entrance exam results.

I mean, four years ago, internet wasn't always readily available in school and you are one of the lucky ones if you get to bring a laptop in the dormitory. Even then, you can only access the internet in the computer room. I guess we weren't as much technology-advanced and dependent back then as we are right now.

I did not experience constantly refreshing a certain university's website so I can access the results right away. I was not one of those who line up in front of those boards, squeezing myself between other people so I can check my name on the list (but I did this when my sister took the ACET).

And looking back at it now, it's like I didn't really care if I passed or not. Or maybe I cared less then. I don't know. I don't even remember being ecstatic when the results are out and they told me that I passed. Maybe I was a bit relieved. I was just like "Okay, I passed. Now what?"

I wished I showed a bit more emotion. It seems like I wasn't at all grateful that I passed all the entrance exams that I took. But it's not like I wasn't really grateful. I was but I guess I just wasn't interested in going to college at that time. I mean, I wasn't ready to give up high school yet.

I never like changes. And going to college would be a major change for me. I had to live further away from home. Meet new people. Adjust my comfort zone. And a lot more.

And it's happening again right now. I took a job entrance exam, passed it, and now they are asking me for a personality interview schedule which I am not replying to. Maybe I am scared. Scared because this stuff is supposed to be for grown-ups and I am not quite the grown-up everyone else seems to be.

But I'll get there someday. Maybe.

Bluer that Blue

Ask me what I did yesterday.

I went reading a fanfiction knowing fully well that it was angst, and that I am absolutely weak against angsts, which sent me crying my eyes out on the wee hours of New Year.

And I was also bailing my eyes out before the day ended because I decided to watch The Last Song halfway through watching I Love You, Man and it was a stupid idea because no matter how good the movie was, my eyes are now all red and puffy.

I've always known I'm a masochist but even on the first day of the year? Well, that's a new low, even for me.

And wow, I'm unconsciously playing sad songs. Isn't this just great. :|

Anyway, I'm still hoping for an awesome year ahead. I will be hell of a lot busy during the next two months and well, I hope I survive all the stress and pressure.

Wish me luck.


Much love and a promise to cheer up,
rachel