Day 06 - Of Endings and New Beginnings

To everyone who made my 2010 an awesome one, thank you.

Admittedly, 2010 wasn't exactly a walk in the park but I had lessons to learn, sometimes the hard way, but I managed to pull through. It made me a lot tougher. I don't even cry as much any more (hence the need for computer eyedrops because my eyes are running dry quickly). The stress and pressure made me feel a lot older but not grown-up. Well, not yet but I'm getting there slowly, I think. But despite the hullabaloos of this year, I'm still thankful for a lot of things. I met new friends, bonded with old ones, and terribly missed others who I wasn't able to spend much time with. There were a lot of first-time experiences, a roller coaster of emotions.

But it had been fun and full of nostalgia and I couldn't think of any way my 2010 could have been.

And to 2011, I'm just hoping for the best. Throw in a couple of adventures and escapades. I'll be fine. I'm getting used to the roller coasters anyway. Haha.

I think it's quite sad...

...that when I look at old photos I suddenly think "masaya pa ako dito..."

Not that I'm not happy now but I think I was happier back then. More carefree. And don't give a damn about things that much.

Day 05 - Resolutions

Doing a New Year's Resolutions list is silly. I don't think I have ever done anything I could actually cross out on that list.

I don't like changes much. They rattle me and leave me disconcerted for a while. And they take so much effort to go through with. I would complain about how things are so repetitive and how boring they would get but somehow, I'm fine with it. Because then I would know how things will go and what to expect from them. Besides, being monotonous is sort of the "easy way out" sometimes.

But it's a new year and I ought to have some resolutions. Perhaps I could say that I ought to not make any resolutions this year. That if I feel like doing something, something that I think would make things better, would make me better, then I would do it. And maybe, in the process, I could convince myself to not lean so much towards an alternate reality no matter how much better it seems to be.

And it pains me that I cannot write like I used to be...

...that my thoughts are unending but no words can make them real.

Day 03 - Accomplishments

As far as accomplishments for this year can go, I'd say it has to be the fact that I finally made it to the dean's list (after five years!). Well, I did work hard for that (except for our thesis which was still sort of non-existent that time) even though Japanese was the only class I really did enjoy. And Sociology, occasionally (because of the field trip and unending jokes in class).

On another note, there's one thing I also consider an "accomplishment" for this year. I've been tougher, I think. There were a lot of times that I thought of giving up on something because I thought it was too much for me already but I held on. Tough times make you tougher unless you let it bring you down.

And I think I'm also a bit grown up. Not that I consider that an accomplishment.

Getting Things In Check

It hasn't been a week yet since Christmas break started but I think I need some reality check. School work's piling up already! D:

And so, as always, I am doing this checklist to make sure I did not forget anything (I rarely check my planner these days).

Here's my things to do before the year ends:

• CE180 project/homework
• JSP104 homework
• thesis (/wrist)
• update blogger (okay, so I owe my blogger lots of stories. i get it.)
• send Karin a Christmas card
• email him a Christmas greeting
• have fun

Well, that's not really a lot... I think. Okay, I take that back. Considering thesis is on that list, I'm in for some serious trouble if I don't start now. But I promise I'd blog about my Christmas soon. Hopefully.

Day 02 - Friends

Bes and Cy

I've known them since we were in grade school. We used to hang out under this tree that we claimed to be our "secret hideout"  (which really isn't that much of a secret because no one would miss that spot even if they blinked) and we promptly named the small clearing Hundred Acre Woods aka HAW. But I haven't seen them for a while now. I'm in Manila most of the year, Bes is here in Legazpi and Cy is in Catanduanes. I think last we've met up was way back in March. We were planning a trip to Catanduanes last sembreak but it didn't push through. Hopefully we can have an escapade sometime this summer. I miss you guys.

HS batchmates

This picture was taken years ago (2003, I think) when we were still all totoys and nenes. Haha. I miss highschool because of them. They always made it more fun and bearable. I mean, living in a dormitory left me with some homesickness issues and they were just the bestest company you could ever ask for. They're like family. I really miss them, too and I wish I could hang out with them more often but I've been too busy lately that I've been rejecting their invitations one after the other. Sigh. Maybe after graduation I would have more time in my hands. There's definitely a lot of catching up to do with them.

Block U2

This was taken during our OrSem days way back in our freshman year. I remember writing in my journal back then that U2 is the best block ever. And now, five years later, that statement still holds true. Hanging out with our batchmates is fun but it's a different kind of fun when I'm with my blockmates. I feel more at home with them. I consider them my brothers and sisters in school just like I did with my batchmates when I was in highschool.

ECE 2011

This is my extended family. If my blockmates are my siblings, then they would be my cousins. I miss the movie dates/gimiks with the girls. Last time we did that, we were still in third year, I think. We should go out more often once we're done with our respective thesis. The guys are okay. I mostly end up in squabbles with the those from U1, though. They always bully me so I'll throw in a punch in return. Those from block U are nicer. Why can't they be more like them? Hmph.

AECES EB 09-10

ROOTS

Last Three Days of the Year

I stumbled upon another blogging "challenge" in tumblr and since it's about looking back to what has happened during the whole of 2010, I decided to do it.

Day 1 (12.26.10) : Reflect Yourself about EVERYTHING. Don’t you dare miss a single fact.

Day 2 (12.27.10) : Old and new friends, describe them!

Day 3 (12.28.10) : Biggest Accomplishments

Day 4 (12.29.10) : The Worst of 2010

Day 5 (12.30.10) : New Year Resolutions

Day 6 (12.31.10) : The last day of 2010; say your goodbyes to 2010, and say your hellos to 2011!!

Signs of Being Computer-Dependent

I caught myself doing something stupid again earlier and I remembered all those times I did something stupid which made me realize how much dependent to computers I really am.

• You are reviewing for an exam and you reach out for the mouse/touchpad/arrow keys to turn the page of your book.
• You are browsing through a real photo album and you hover your finger over someone who is not familiar to you and you expect their name to appear beside their face.
• You are taking down some notes in class and then you pause to move your hand to press the 'Ctrl+S' key to save it. Then you realize you are writing in your notebook.
• You are drawing in a piece of paper and you made a wrong stroke so you automatically move your hand to press 'Ctrl-Z'.

Well, at least I've only experienced those so far. I hope it won't come to a point where I'd be looking for a charger for my notebooks. Or wait for them to boot before I open them. =.="

For what it's worth, I want to talk and I really really miss you but I have no idea where in the world you are right now because you just left like you never even existed in the first place.

Jumpstart

I can't get in the mood to do anything.

This wouldn't be much of a problem only if it weren't for the fact that I have a paper to write and a video to conceptualize and create which are both due on Monday. The fact that I also have a kanji quiz and a skit presentation in my Japanese class on the same day is not really helping. And I'm also having some sort of a panic attack right now.

It's just that... I've been thinking about a lot of things and I cannot concentrate on anything.

I think I need a drink. A really really strong drink. And lots of antihistamines, of course, because I don't fancy living through the whole of next year looking like I've been stung by a bee all over my body.

I think I also need a good kick. Or a slap in the face to wake me up.

Snap, snap, Rachel. You're running out of time.

A is for Alarm Clock

I honestly need a good alarm clock. One that would make sure that I'm out of bed at least an hour before my class. It would have to be one without a snooze button, definitely. And something that would be pretty damn difficult to turn off.

Christmas Alphabet Wishlist

I'm a bit delayed in starting my Alphabet Wishlist so I'll just post twice for a couple of days to catch up on all twenty six letters before Christmas.

I'm actually having a hard time thinking what I want for Christmas so I came up with this kind of wishlist. It's pretty challenging, if I may say so. Haha.

False Accusations

My friends from high school are deluded into thinking that I am actually in love, which I definitely am not, because of some of my tweets lately.

It started with some lyrics from a Parokya ni Edgar song, Ted Hannah: "para kang kape, hindi ka nagpapatulog"

In my defense, I was referring to my being nocturnal and insomniac in that particular tweet. The song played suddenly and I thought it suited my weird sleeping habit. It did not exactly occur to me that it could easily be misinterpreted. And if I would be drowning myself in thoughts while waiting for sleep to get me, it would be about something and not someone.

Apparently, I landed myself in another controversy when I tweeted this earlier: "Sa panaginip na nga lang ako nakakapuntang Hogwarts, sinusundan mo pa rin ako. Wtf, dude. C'mon. :|"

That is just a normal reaction when someone you don't particularly like appears in what was supposedly an awesome, life-changing dream (see previous post for more details).

And as if that wasn't enough, my latest tweet was just as controversial, it seems: "Will be jogging to clear my head. falala"

I was just a getting a bit light-headed from all the reading I did so I said that I needed to "clear my head". It turns out, they assumed (again) that it was because I was thinking of someone too much. Le sigh.

Buti sana kung totoong in love ako, diba? E di sana kinilig pa ako sa mga hirit nila.

Sorry to disappoint, but I'm really not in love right now. I'm perfectly content with the bazillion random happy crushes that I have and I don't see myself falling for any of them anytime soon. So there.


P.S.
Dear HS friends, don't worry, I still love you. Even if you're more excited than me about my non-existent love life.

P.P.S.
And if you're so inclined to know what I've been obsessed with lately, it's drawing in MS Paint and writing drabbles and stressing over schoolwork. Not that I'm any good with either but it keeps me sane. Haha.

Dreamwalker

It would have been a great dream if it weren't for him being there, too.

I mean, who wouldn't get excited with a dream set in Hogwarts? But of course, the villain that he is, he had to go show up and ruin my dream for me. He wasn't even a villain in my dream! In fact he was so nice, it would be perfectly logical to assume that he's under the Imperius curse.

Or maybe... this dream is some sort of premonition that I should start being nice to him? Like hell I will be! I will be nice to him when he starts being nice to me, which he is not, so we can go on pretending that the other does not exist and we can live happily ever after without giving a damn about each other. The end.

Just my fucking luck

Stuck in a room with you on the very day that I was avoiding you the most.

Like, what the fuck? Seriously? I'm about to suffocate from the awkwardness in the air.

Oh, I bet that would make interesting news. Imagine what people would say at my funeral. "Oh, that Rachel, how did she die?" "She got stuck in a room with the guy she dislikes the most and suffocated from the awkwardness." "The poor woman! How awfully tragic."

And we'll all know that is exactly how it happened.

Two words

I've decided I'm not going to say it.

Maybe I'm being stubborn but I don't want this to be even more complicated that it already is. So if it requires my silence to do that, then so be it. I won't be saying anything at all.

But I doubt you'd even notice.

I'm abusing internet space

I just made an LJ account. Ugh.

Well, I'm not transferring my blog there. I still prefer ranting here in my blogger over my other accounts. I think I just need a new place to write... uhmm... literature. Hahaha, literature, my ass.

It's an attempt to revive my muses, actually. They've been hibernating for so long now, I'm not even sure if they are still alive. I have written three 100-word drabbles (and in the process of writing a fourth one) so far and well, I can feel my muses slowly coming back to life. But I think that would be a bit problematic since we're going to be a hell lot busy with school work for the next months.

Maybe I'll just stick to writing drabbles for a while to relieve stress.

To my future husband,

I only want three children. Three!

Anything more than that and I will castrate you.

No, seriously. Don't think I wouldn't try.


Your loving future wife,
Rachel


PS
Oh, don't even ask how I came up with this. I think I just developed a slight phobia for rowdy kids.

random thoughts

(this is a repost from my Xanga account dated almost three years ago)

it took me a really long time to realize...

          ...that i can be a real bitch sometimes.
          ...that people are backstabbers in nature.
          ...that it's not gravity that pulls people towards the middle of the road. It's stupidity.
          ...that you don't have to take out the cubes to assemble a rubik's cube.
          ...that water won't boil even after staring at it for a long time.
          ...that i'm not made to be an engineer. I'm destined to be a bum.
          ...that after 17 years, my mom can't spell my name correctly.
          ...that i raise my eyebrow unconsciously.

I haz a new look

I've been sleeping late ever since sembreak kicked in but even though school has started for about a week now, my body clock still hasn't returned to normal.

It is a bit problematic because my eye bags are as dark as ever and unwanted facial hair are starting to show up!

...but then I thought it would be nice to grow a mustache for a change. I feel so manly now.

I am no Elizabeth Bennet

And you, sir, are not, in any way, anything like Mr. Darcy.

A Request for School for Nocturnals

To whom it may concern:

In my honest opinion, the government should build schools for the nocturnals. As a highly experienced nocturnal, this kind of school will be most beneficial to those who find it hard to get up in the ungodly early hours of the morning and prepare for school. I speak for all of us who are victims of numerous lates and unplanned cuts just because we couldn’t force ourselves to face school since we most probably have just gone to bed by the time we’re supposed to get up.

There are also those of us whose brains are more active at night than during the day, which makes it more appropriate for learning during night time. One cannot force a brain to absorb new information when it is in a state of sleep. That, I’m quite sure of. It has been tested and proven during the many times I found myself asleep in class and unable to process the overwhelming information being bombarded to us.

And so, I propose this school for nocturnals to cater the needs of the steady growing population of us, night people. This is also to prevent us from graduating with a minor in sleeping in class and unintentional cuts.


Respectfully yours,
Rachel (a concerned nocturnal)

House Arrest

I'm having another bout of self-imposed house arrest. I could count the number hours I've gone out for this past week:

Monday - 3 hours (the time we spent at the airport and the flight back home)
Tuesday - 1.5 hours (we voted for about 20minutes and visited Lola's house)
Wednesday - Saturday - I didn't go out (well, except for that 2 minute walk outside our house)
Sunday - 2 hours (attended Mass)

So that's a grand total of  six and a half hours that I've been outside our house for the past seven days. Le sigh. I just don't feel like going out. It's been raining every other hour and it makes me want to stay inside all the more. And I don't want to go anywhere without a car. Makes me wish I took driving lessons before. Haha. But I guess that's just the spoiled brat in me talking. I still don't feel like driving a car anytime soon.

Anyway... we'd be staying at the cemetery overnight tomorrow so I'm going to disappear for two days. Well, a day at most. Haha. I want to go home straight away. Not in the mood for another beach day, meh. I'm starting to think I'm a vampire who hates the sun. Oh ho ho.

Whatever, I'm so random I don't even make sense anymore.

Finals Week Significant Learnings (aka Bloopers)

Because my last year in college cannot go without any bloopers, especially during finals week.


1. ...on fascinating ceiling tiles.

One thing I learned during one of my final exams was that there I are 172 holes in the ceiling tile above. I have never been more fascinated with ceiling tiles before. I even found it more fascinating than our exam.


2. ...on awkward silences.

DSP final project evaluation couldn't have gotten more awkward as it was. The long stretches of awkward silence in the room was too much to bear. That, and our inability to stay silent for five minutes did not remain unnoticed.

*really loud wheezing of a car in Katipunan was suddenly heard*
Rachel and Mara: *laughs silently* (sorry. we are easily amused. and distracted)
Sir Lui: what's so funny?
Mara: uhm, sir... kasi... may vroom vroom.


3. ...on going crazy before the actual exam.

Ronna: So kakausapin ni 3 si 1 para malaman yung minimum cost...
Zel: Pota, yung mga numbers nag-uusap na. Nakakasira ng ulo.


4. ...on bullshitting essays -- in Japanese.

Gomen ne, sensei. My Japanese vocabulary just sucks without my notes. I'm better in grammar, though (well, at least I hope so).

Fact #1: "kawaii" and "omoshiroi" are not the only japanese adjectives that exist.
Fact #2: Money being described as "kawaii" has never been heard of. Until now.
Fact #3: No one has ever thought of putting anime character faces on bills. Unfortunately, I have a "brilliant" mind.


5. ...on rhyming words and being deaf.

Alvin: scholar ka ba?
Rachel: ha? ano?
Alvin: scholar ka?
Rachel: ah. akala ko tinatanong mo kung may installer ako.


6. ...on being a seer.

I swear I will never ignore my intuition ever again. Every semester, there would always be this one problem where I would confidently say "hindi naman yan lalabas sa exam..." while reviewing and proceed to ignore that problem, only to have that same problem stare at me during the exam proper. So if I were you, the next time we're having an exam, ask me what problems I purposely ignored and you'd probably be able to ace that exam.


7. ...on eating while taking an exam.

Having skipped breakfast because I was already running late, I took the exam on an empty stomach. It was bound to happen, some time during the exam, that my brain would stop functioning due to hunger. And so I took the cookies from my bag and started eating while taking the exam. If I was even trying to hide the fact that I was eating, it would be an utter failure since I was seated directly in front of the teacher. I think Ma'am Cat found it funny that I was eating during the exam. I did offer her some of my cookies, though.


8. ...on making a circuit work.

Ma'am Cat: very good.
Karl: yay! sunsilk.
Rachel: ha? bakit sunsilk?
Karl: kasi sumusunod sa galaw.
Rachel: sabaaaw. teka... diba rejoice yun?


9. ...on making your teacher panic for your oral exam.

I was originally scheduled at 11:30 but since we had our lab circuit presentation from 10-12nn, I changed my slot to 2:50pm which was the last and only slot available. I did not bother emailing my teacher about the change because I thought he would have received a notification when the slots are changed. It turns out that there was no notification and I was surprised to see him panicking when I entered the consultation room because he thought I wasn't going to show up. He told me he was even about stalk me in Facebook to remind me of the exam. Haha. So much for my last (hopefully) oral exam in college.

DouWata is LOVE

I know it.
You know it.
Doumeki knows it.
Watanuki denies it.

Of Drunk Guys and Wushu Sticks

This day had been so spontaneous. And weird. And freaky.

Around 3am earlier, a drunk guy managed to open the door in our condo unit. I didn't know that the door wasn't properly locked. Good thing there was a chain on the door that prevented him from completely opening it and entering the room.

I was seated on the couch, watching xxxHOLiC when that happened. We weren't really expecting anyone so it startled us (Marsie and I) when the door suddenly opened. And the guy was staring at us through the small opening. Of course I stared back with this "what-the-fuck-who-the-hell-are-you" look on my face. I didn't move, though. I was too freaked out to do so. He managed to close the door after a few seconds of staring. It took me a while after that before I could grab the keys and double lock our door. And when I peeked through the peep hole, the guy was still standing right outside our door. It was so fucking freaky.

I swear, if he ever managed to get through the door, I would have grabbed the wushu stick (which we have been using as a remote control lately) by my foot and hit him endlessly with it. Fortunately for him, I didn't have to do that. But the next time he drinks his ass off again and enter the wrong house, Im'ma poke him in the eye before beating him up with a wushu stick.

And the Boredom Begins...

[ONE] Who was your last text from?
Via. Something about old school power rangers. haha

[TWO] Where was your default pic taken?
F308. We were supposed to be doing our thesis but I ended up browsing the internet. :P

[THREE] Your relationship status?
Single. But my heart is fully taken. Haha chos.

[FOUR] Have you ever lost a close friend?
No.

[FIVE] What is your current mood?
Bored but happy. :)

[SIX] What's your brother(s)/sister(s) names?
Bon, Emon, Lyn, Joy

[SEVEN] Have you ever been torn between two lovers?
Between crushes, yes. And not only two. *insert evil malandi laugh here*

[EIGHT] Where do you wish you were right now?
On some island escapade.

[NINE] Have a crazy side?
If I don't know any better, crazy could be my middle name.

[TEN] Have you ever had a near death experience?
I'm not sure... I don't think it's that close to death. It just feels like it.

[ELEVEN] Something you do a lot?
Procrastinate. And then cram afterwards.

[TWELVE] Angry at anyone?
I think I'm past the angry stage. It's more of indifference now.

[THIRTEEN] When was the last time you cried?
A few minutes ago? I was watching anime.

[FOURTEEN] Is there anyone you would do anything for?
Yes.

[FIFTEEN] What do you think about when you are falling asleep?
The what ifs and could have beens.

[SIXTEEN] Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
My mom.

[SEVENTEEN] What is your favorite song?
It depends on my mood. Right now, hmm, it's King of Anything.

[EIGHTEEN] What are you doing right now?
Taking a break from my anime marathon.

[TWENTY] Who do you trust right now?
A lot of people.

[TWENTY-ONE] Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
AECES.

[TWENTY-TWO] Have you kissed someone in the past week?
No. Not really, no.

[TWENTY-THREE] Who are your friends that live closest to you?
Ronna is just a few blocks away.

[TWENTY-FOUR] Describe your life in one word.
Knot.

[TWENTY-FIVE] Who are you thinking of right now?
No one in particular.

[TWENTY-SIX] What should you be doing right now?
My thesis. Ohnoes!

[TWENTY-SEVEN] What are you listening to?
The sound of the rain.

[TWENTY-EIGHT] Who was the last person who gave you a hug?
Momi Mae. Or Kelvin.

[TWENTY-NINE] Who was the last person who yelled at you?
I don't remember anyone yelling at me.

[THIRTY] What is your natural hair color?
Black.

[THIRTY-TWO] Who was the last person to make you laugh?
Watanuki.

[THIRTY-THREE] Who was the last person to make you sad?
Well, he's the only reason why I'm down recently.

[THIRTY-FOUR] What do you hear?
My heart breaking... not. The usual Katipunan noise. And the rain.

[THIRTY-FIVE] Is your hair curly or straight?
Messy straight. I haven't combed my hair yet.

[THIRTY-SIX] Has anyone ever called you "scrumptious" before?
Haha, no one.

[THIRTY-SEVEN] Do you have a best friend?
Yup. :)

[THIRTY-EIGHT] Held hands with the opposite sex in the past 3 days?
I think?

[THIRTY-NINE] Do you use smiley faces on the computer?
Why not? It's fun.

[FORTY] Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
I cannot remember.

[FORTY-ONE] Are you happy with life right now?
Sort of. But it could be better.

[FORTY-TWO] Are you currently jealous?
Maybe.

[FORTY-THREE] What jewelry are you currently wearing?
My watch.

[FORTY-FOUR] What were you doing last Friday night?
Partying. No, not really. But I was sort of celebrating the start of my sembreak. I was asleep before 11PM.

[FORTY-FIVE] Have you ever had your heart broken?
next question...

[FORTY-SIX] Have you ever broke someone's heart?
I hope not. D:

[FORTY-SEVEN] Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now?
Myself?

[FORTY-EIGHT] What was the last reason you went to the doctor for?
That was the time I found out that I was horribly, horribly allergic to alcohol.

[FORTY-NINE] How late did you stay up last night and why?
I was in bed before 9! But that was only because I stayed up until 6am the night (morning?) before.

[FIFTY]Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
I can't even have a single crush for more than a month. Meh.

A Different Kind of Heartache

I feel like my chest is going to burst from maybe too much sadness, too much stress, too much pressure, too much whatever-the-fuck-it-is-called.

I just want it to stop. I can't handle this right now. I really can't.


Okay, ang sakit ng heart ko. Yun lang talaga yung gusto kong sabihin.

Of Blue Eyes and Red Hairs

Happy HanaRuHana Day!

10/11/10. I've been waiting for this day for almost nine years, you have no idea how ecstatic I am right now. I don't even know if I can put into words how extremely lucky I feel I am to be born in this millennium. I've always been a fan girl at heart and even when school work is pulling me back to reality most of the time, I've never been less of a fan girl.

I'm just... incredibly happy right now. I have this genuine smile on my face. That kind of smile that even when you try to get rid of it, it just keeps going back. I love it whenever I feel this way. It feels amazing.

A Very Binary Post

Somewhere in the world, people are celebrating this day because the date happens only once every one hundred years. Don't they realize that that is the case for every date, every single day? Well, I rest my case. I have my own reasons for celebrating.

First is because it's Naruto's birthday. I'll gladly punch you in the face if you tell me that's a stupid reason for celebrating. No, don't even start. I'm not going to hear it. I still do celebrate my favorite anime characters' birthdays and I don't think I'm going to stop any time soon.

Second, it's because the date is so binary. The geek in me is telling me to celebrate my geekiness. I wonder how people reacted during 10/10/1010. My geek ancestors must have been ecstatic. Hahaha. 101010 is equivalent to 42 in binary. It's an ugly number, if you ask me, but it's divisible by 7 so I can tolerate it that much. And I just found out that 42 is supposedly "the answer to life, the universe and everything". Well, if you put it that way, that makes today special on a whole new level.

On an entirely philosophical note, though, sometimes I think it's better if people think in binary. I mean, not necessarily 1s and 0s but more of just two sides of a pole. Nothing in between. Just black and white, no gray areas. It would be easier that way. No unnecessary what ifs because you'll know exactly what will happen if you choose one over the other. But then again, that would be boring. I don't even know why I'm starting to think philosophically. It must be the date.

Quick! Grab a jar, I'm melting!

asdfawlerja;dnADLad.safnalkerwefn

I felt like I just died and went to heaven. I wish I didn't go anonymous. ;))

I haven't heard from him in a really, really long time and I wasn't lying when I said that I miss him. I mostly miss him on days when I brood (like last night) and I wasn't really expecting a reply from him. It made me ecstatic that he actually did. Haha. *swoon*

Let's just stop this, once and for all

I swear, one of these days, I might just punch you in the face and demand for a reason why we're not talking -- why you're not talking to me. There shouldn't have been a problem with us talking. You're just making things difficult.

I just... don't know what else to say to you anymore. I'm tired of starting all the "small talks". I'm tired of the awkward silence between us. I'm tired of being angry at you for deliberately shooting down the drain whatever effort I make in fixing this, whatever this is.

Kaya please, kung galit ka sakin, sabihin mo na lang. I don't think I would be able to take much of this shit any longer.


God, it's starting to sound like we're having an affair. Ha, you wish.

If I get any bluer than this, I'll turn gray.

I'm panicking.

I'm stressed out.

I badly need a hug right now.

And I need someone to tell me that everything's gonna be okay after tomorrow's hullabaloo is over.

Of Surprise Parties and Two Left Feet

There was a surprise party for me and all my high school and college friends were there. And just when the party was about to end, the guys started lining up and they danced with me one by one (it was like dancing with your 18 roses for your debut). It couldn't have gotten any weirder than that. Ugh.

The party flattered  me. I mean, I'm not going anywhere or something. Maybe it's just a hangover of Jan-Jan and Julia's Despedida party. But the dancing part? No, just... no. I don't dance. I don't like dancing very much. Especially if it's like the type of dance you do during proms and debuts. The kind of dance where you need to have your hands on the guy's shoulders and you have to be really close to each other. No, I really don't like that. It's like... invasion of my personal space. Sigh. It's a good thing it was just a dream.

LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT

I, Rachel, do proclaim this to be my Last Will and Testament. I hereby declare that:

I.                   Should I die, I wish to be buried in a ninja outfit. After the rites of the Roman Catholic Church have been observed, my death would be celebrated by singing my favorite songs in karaoke while drinking beer or wine, to make up for all those times I wasn’t able to drink alcohol because of my allergy. All the music in my computer should be played during my wake and it would last until the last song had been played.

II.             To my beloved parents, I give to you whatever remains of my allowance, as well as my P5 coin bank, which I’ve been saving up all these years. Mom, you can finally get rid of all those stuff toys I keep with me in my bed. Maybe you can donate them to some day care center.

III.           To my sisters, Lyn and Joy, you can have my clothes and shoes and all the girl stuff in my closet. You can also have my dear laptop, Kuro-chan. Watch out for its charger – it attacks when you’re not looking.

IV.           To my older brother, Kuya Bon, you can have my electronics-related books. You can have them all. You may also burn them if you want and build a mini bonfire and use it to roast hotdogs and marshmallows and failed exams.

V.                To my younger brother, Emon, my basketball is all yours (though I’m not sure if it still bounces). You can also have my basketball jersey (to make up for all those times I stole yours) and my Ateneo jacket.

VI.             To my best friend, Karin, I entrust to you my Slam Dunk manga collection. It would be such a shame if it would just be buried with me. I couldn’t possibly read that in my grave – they don’t place light bulbs in your casket, you know. You also have my permission to hack my online accounts. You can use them to scare the shit out of people.

VII.          To my friend, Aimee, I know you wanted my Slam Dunk-themed whiteboard. Steal it in my room if you can. Also, do me a favor and burn all my notebooks with my rants on it. The world would be such a better place if they did not know of my drama.

VIII.       To my friend, Chaii, I’m giving you my collection of folded stars and my glow-in-the-dark stars.

IX.            To my friend, Ronna, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to return all the books I borrowed from you. You can have them back now.

X.                To my friend, Cameh, you can have the sandals I recently bought in replacement for that sandals I damaged last time.

XI.         To my friend, Julia, since you specifically asked for my hair, I guess you can have it. It wouldn’t matter because I’d be wearing a ninja outfit when I get buried and they wouldn’t notice if I have hair or not.

XII.           To my Pokémon-loving friends, I have five miniature Pokémon collectibles in my room so equip your Pokéballs and get ready to catch them. Beware though – I also have a Pokémon trainer with them.

XIII.         To the man of my dreams, it’s such a shame we weren’t able to meet each other. Still, I give you my heart. And no, I don’t mean literally.

XIV.       To all the people I have encountered in the short time that I had, you will forever have my love.

Written after two shots of beer, in the wee hours of the morning, this 9th day of September, 2010, on my bed, in my room, somewhere in the world.

Signed,

Rachel

Running in Circles

I'm doing it again.

Running away, that is. I just... don't feel like dealing with anything right now. It's easier this way -- it always has been. I want to dig up a hole and crawl in it, deep enough where the sun doesn't shine. Deep enough so I can't hear the footsteps of people walking above me. Deep enough that I can pretend I'm in another world.

I'm not really sure what's wrong with me right now. I'm sat here in a corner with my foot up the couch. It would have been perfect except for the frown on my face. Despite the fact that the room is full of people, I feel so... alone. I'm not lonely, well maybe just a bit, but it's different from being alone. It's my fault, though. My introvert side is acting up again. But as much as I wanted to be left alone right now, I want some company. Someone who would stay with me but at the same time, let me be. Someone who doesn't need to talk to me because they'd already understand without me saying a word.

But maybe I just need my best friend to hit me in the head with a paper fan and ask me what the fuck am I doing.

Bluest Blues

I'm a mess. My life is in shambles and I don't know where to start picking myself up. I just want to lie in my bed and stop thinking. I want to not care about anything at all.

I'm stuck. I'm going absolutely nowhere. And it frustrates me that I can't seem to do anything about it. That even when I try to do something, it just doesn't work. It's not the same as before. Nothing's the same as before.

I'm tired. Tired of trying to make anything right. Tired of pretending I'm fine when I'm actually not. Tired of having to do things on my own. Tired of fooling myself that everything is okay -- that everything is gonna be okay because it's not. And I'm not sure if it's ever gonna be. Nothing feels right anymore.

I'm giving up. Because there's nothing else left for me to do. I'm a mess, I'm stuck, I'm tired and it's just not worth fighting for.

Dirty Little Secret

I'll probably tell my friends about this after we have graduated. Maybe a lot of years after we have graduated.

I think I've already told some people that I used to like you but only my best friend knows that I still do.

Well, I'm not even sure myself if I still like you. There are days that I do, some days I feel... just normal, I guess.

It's not like I don't want to tell my friends. It's just that... things are going okay right now between us and I don't want to risk it being awkward again. And by "okay" I mean that we're past pretending that the other does not exist whenever we're in the same room. And at least we're "talking" right now, unlike the usual nods and shrugs.

Things would have been much easier if I had just gotten over you four years ago. Sigh. Why do we have to be so damn complicated?

Block Love

Block U2

This was last weekend, at Kabayan Resort in Laiya, Batangas. It was the first time our block actually had a real outing. Haha.

I... really don't know what to say so I'll write you a letter instead:

My dearest Block U2,

I'm glad I have you guys as my blockmates. I couldn't imagine myself being in another block. I remember our OrSem days when I wrote in my journal how I think we were the "best block ever". Nothing ever made that statement any less true.

I love you guys.

♥ Rachel

Accident Prone

Today I managed to:

• ditch my 7:30 class because I was too lazy to get out of bed.
• catch a slight fever which might be half the reason why I was too lazy to get out of bed.
• get an annoying headache all day.
• break my Starbucks tumbler. :(
• cut my middle finger on broken tumbler.
• cut my left arm on... something.
• bump my right arm on a doorknob.
• get another mysterious scratch on my left arm. D:

I'm not sure if I'm just terribly clumsy today or if someone has managed to cast a curse on me. Le Sigh.

I had a talk with my conscience.

Conscience: Do you hear that?
Rachel: What? I don't hear anything.
Conscience: That's the sound of failure coming to get you.
Rachel: Fuck you.
Conscience: *smirk*
Rachel: Do you hear that?
Conscience: Hm?
Rachel: That's the sound of my heart breaking.


This is a side-effect of failing an exam -- self-pity bordering on insanity. :|

Ganito kapag natatalo ng La Salle ang Ateneo.

Scene 1
(I had a bet with my brother, who's from La Salle, so he texted me right after the game to claim it.)
Kuya: Ok libre mo nalang kami nila lyn dinner mamaya...hahaha
Me: Ehh. Kayo naman nagpapaluto, kaw na lang manlibre hahahaha >:P
Kuya: Aww...kaya pala ang daming 3pts...haha basta libre mo kami mamaya...
Me: Marami rin naman kaming 3pts e beh beh beh beh!


Scene 2
(My Dad, who was watching the game on tv, also texted me after the game.)
Dad: Sensya na ate matindi pala sa 3pts si marata hehe
Me: Si kuya sinisingil ako 500
Dad: Hahaha bayad ka syempre
(I was hoping he would side with me if I tell him that Kuya is demanding money from me but my plan backfired. :|)

Scene 3
(My sister, who is from UST, never let me hear the end of it. I think she was trying to get back on me when I gloated that Ateneo won over UST.)
Mommy: Oh, panalo kayo?
Me: :| *whispers* hindi.
Lyn: Ano? talo kayo? talo kayo? Hahaha
Me: *glares* :|
(after every 5min)
Lyn: Aww, talo. Haha.


Scene 4
(I wasn't supposed to talk to her. But my mom passed me the phone and I ended up more verbally abused.)
Joy: Talo daw kayo sabi ni dad?
Me: Ano naman ngayon?
Joy: Bayaran mo na si kuya.
Me: Ayoko nga.
Joy: Kay kuya bon ako kampi. Hahahaha.
Me: I hate you i hate you. Ibaba ko na yung phone. Babay babay!
Joy: Hahaha. I love you.
Me: Babay! Babay! Babay!
Joy: Ba't hindi mo pa binababa yung phone?
Me: Beh! Babay! *ends phone call*


Scene 5
(I never told her about the bet. I'm guessing Dad did.)
Mommy: Oh, binayaran mo na si kuya?
Me: Hindi pa. Ayoko nga.
Mommy: Eh pano kung ikaw yung nanalo tapos hindi ka binayaran.
Me: *grumbles* okay lang sakin.


It's unfair. Bloody unfair. They were all ganging up on me. Maybe because they think it's funny that I get worked up all too easily. But still. 5 vs 1? That's like playing a basketball game with no teammates! I don't know which side my younger brother would be taking. I didn't ask him cause it might end up to be 6 vs 1 and that would be just pathetic. But I could always guilt him into siding with me because I bought him an Ateneo jersey and shirt before. Ha!

It's SenKosh Day.

And it would be rude not to celebrate it. Ha.

PS:

I totally forgot that it was SenMitHana Day yesterday. Not that we do celebrate it or anything. Just sayin'.

07/11/10

Happy SenRuHana Day!

Well, I'm not really a fan of that but as Karin said, this doesn't happen for another century and not more accurately for another millennium.

I'm more excited though for HanaRuHana Day. I should be, since that's my OTP. Haha.

20

Last Thursday, we had a batch dinner at Max's in SM Marikina because of the Chicken-All-You-Can promo. And despite having not eaten anything for the entire day (because I woke up late and I was too lazy to go to the cafeteria) except for some biscuits and water, I was only able to eat three chicken. I was aiming for four but I was already full by the time I had my second one and I was only forcing myself to finish the third one. Pity that.

There were 22 of us that night. Alvin was the one who took the picture so he wasn't there with us. Haha. And the foreigner in the picture is Rasmus, the Danish guy who is working with Lester and Ronna for their part-time job. He was their birthday gift for me. Hahaha :))

Well, on another note, I had a pretty awesome birthday. I watched Toy Story 3 again with Dad, Kuya, and Lyn (I might have cried a tear or two, or three by the end of the movie. Meh, I think it's safe to say that I will always cry when I watch that movie. It's just so heartbreaking). And I sort of think of this dinner as a post-birthday celebration with my batchmates. And two weeks ago, my high school batchmates came over to my place for a spontaneous reunion (although I got reprimanded a bit for having so much people over, it was still fun).

Also, my Facebook wall was flooded with birthday messages from a lot of people! Even some grade school friends who I haven't spoken to in years (Read: My grade school crush greeted me, too. I had to laugh. Kung binati niya ako 10 years ago, sana kinilig pa ako. Hahahaha). And I somehow felt weird browsing through all the messages. Weird but happy.

And I've actually gotten over my birthday blues. 20 isn't such a bad number, after all. :)

When I get sad I stop being sad and be AWESOME instead. And since it was my birthday , I felt a hundred times more awesome. :3

The First of July

So I've been dreading the first of July since who-knows-when because of my upcoming birthday. I think this is the worst case of birthday blues I've ever had simply because I'm turning twenty this year and I don't particularly like that number because 1) it means I'm old and 2) there's something off about it.

Anyway, aside from me stressing over the inevitable, Loki, the god of Mischief, has other plans for me today. I woke up late (read: 15 minutes before the time) for my Sociology class and I had to rush to school because our teacher told us last meeting that we're going to have a group activity today. I arrived in Faura AVR (because that's where we were supposed to meet, instead of our usual classroom in CTC) 15 minutes late and found that the class was watching some sort of documentary about Marcos and Malacañang (FYI: I found out that there was a "ghost" of Quezon's butler in the palace during Marcos' time. Creepy. :O). I was seated in the corner at the back, silently glancing around the dark room for familiar faces. Unfortunately, I couldn't find any because my classmates are all sophomores and I don't know any of them. But I started thinking that I might be in the wrong classroom because my teacher is nowhere to be seen. Besides he didn't mention anything about watching a documentary, unless he wanted us to analyse how people socialize with each other during the Marcos period.

So I went out of the room, ninja style, and went to our classroom in CTC to check if the class moved back there. But it was empty and I felt stupid for leaving the AVR in the first place because that means I have to sneak back in. Then a classmate texted me that we were given a free cut and I was like, "Oh. I woke up this early for nothing. My next class is in ten hours."

In my five years in college, this is only the second time I found myself in the wrong class. The first one was during the second day of my fifth year. I'm starting to think that the older I get, the more stupid I get, too. Who ever said wisdom can be earned through the years? Apparently, I'm not getting any wiser and my brain cells are slowly dying. I mourn for their death.

I have six more hours to spare before my next class. And six more days to contemplate before I officially become a tween.

God, I need more time.

I'm not sure why you felt the need to explain things to me.

But thank you.

Funny, I didn't even know I was feeling bad until you made it better.

Of Sleeping Potions and Weird Dreams

After our "field trip" yesterday, I was so tired that I literally dragged myself to bed at a little past seven in the evening without bothering to eat dinner. I had more or less 12 hours of sleep last night but I woke up after every couple of hours, maybe because I'm not used to sleeping that long anymore (and at night time, at that).

I also had several dreams last night. The first one was weird enough to keep me up for some time after I woke up from it. Well, it wasn't really out-of-this-world weird but more of an out-of-the-blue sort of weird. I'm still not sure what he was doing in my dreams. Hell, dream or not, I have absolutely no fucking idea why he was sleeping in my bed, in our house. He just took the definition of 'weird' to a whole new level. :|

Anyway, I'm just a bit upset that of all people, it was him who showed up so suddenly in my dream. I'm getting used to hot anime guys appearing in my dreams that it caught me off guard a normal guy took their place. Sigh.

On a slightly different note, I've been having way too much sleep today. As if twelve hours of sleep wasn't enough, I managed to fall asleep in a hammock under a tree earlier today. It was lovely, though. The shade of the tree was welcoming and the cool breeze was absolutely refreshing. This had been an ideal lazy Sunday afternoon. :)

It's So Damn HOT

I want to take my clothes off.

Hahahaha. This is exactly the reason why I can't post this in my tumblr or twitter account. ;))

But really, the heat is driving me craaazy. I even have to put up my hair in a stupid high bun. And if only I wouldn't look even more stupid hugging the electric fan, I swear I would do it. The other day, I was wearing an oversized jersey (I stole it from my brother's closet) because I figured out it would be less hot that way since it has tiny holes in it. Haha. Well, it did lessen the heat somehow. :D Unfortunately for me, my brother wasn't so happy about me stealing his jersey. Boo, that.

And now, I'm thinking of having an escapade to somewhere... cooler. And although the beach sounds tempting as it is, I have to say no simply because I really can't stand the sun right now. Hell, I'm practically imposing house arrest upon myself just so I can escape the scorching heat of the sun.

Okay so the escapade wasn't really possible, unless my bestfriend shows up again in our front door to take me away to some island somewhere (yes, she really did that. my parents couldn't say no. ha!). But I really am planning to do something for the rest of my summer vacation other than having anime marathons and reading fanfictions. Maybe I'll go back to writing. I owe my blogger a lot of stories. And maybe I'll take up my mom's suggestion on that long due driving lessons that I should have had before but hadn't because I was too scared shitless to try (not that I'm any less scared now but it's worth a try). And maybe, one of these days, when I actually had a proper sleep, I might join my brother with his 4am jogging trips up a nearby hill.

Yup, that is my plan for now. :D

I might or might not have been feigning sleep so that I can have an excuse to lean on your shoulders.

Haha, nah. I really was knocked out cold like a polar bear that time.

Seriously, I don't like you.

But you make my heart go *badump**badump*

I really shouldn't feel bad about being honest.

I shouldn't regret that I told the truth.

When it comes to you...

I always find it hard to admit that I do miss you.

Sigh.

Scattered Thoughts

I've been meaning to write an update sooner but I've been busy. And a lot of things are crossing my mind lately. Random thoughts, random memories, random nothingness. I wanted to write about all of them but I always run out of words. Or maybe no words can ever express them. I'm not really sure.

Right now, I'm just a bit numb. From missing a lot of people, maybe. I miss school (not so much with the classes, but yeah). I miss my friends. I miss having fun. I miss talking to people in person. I miss the feeling of not missing anyone/anything.

Just this one time, I'm going to admit that I miss them. I'm not even going to pretend that I'm not sulking because it's pretty obvious that I am. And that's all I have to say, really. I've been much too human today than I usually am.

4 days to go before freedom

Well, temporary freedom, but still freedom nonetheless. I can't wait for this semester to end. But there are still a couple of requirements that we need to finish before summer starts.

1. TCOM 122.1 Group Report (Turbo Codes)

2. TCOM 122.1 Long Exam #4
3. TCOM 122.2 Lab Report (Hamming Code)
4. TCOM 151.2 Lab Report 4

5. TCOM 151.2 Lab Report 5

6. TCOM 151.2 Lab Report 6
7. TCOM 151.1 Case Study

Konti na lang. And I want that batch outing, please.

Have you ever cried because of someone else's pain? Shared the heart wrenching pain of the person you are with? If it is possible, it may be that you are truly inlove with that person.

Maybe I have before.

I'm OVER it.

But that doesn't mean I can't be depressed about it.

I knew by a long shot that I didn't stand a chance but I still fought on anyway. Now look where it got me -- brooding in the wee hours of the morning while watching series and movies. And I just realized that I have this healthy stock of heart-quenching-guaranteed-to-make-you-cry-and-leave-your-eyes-swollen movies that almost always come in handy on days when I wanted to angst but needed an excuse to cry.

And now that I have just finished watching My Sister's Keeper, I'm done sulking (sort of). I'll watch happier videos now.

Nostalgia

Yes, I'm supposed to be busy right now.

Yes, I'm supposed to be studying.

Yes, I have an exam later.

But this will only take a while.

After spending the day in front of my laptop and notebook, trying to decipher a totally new language in the disguise of TCOM, I went home to find my HS friends having dinner in our house.

We ended up singing random songs, playing the guitar and the piano, going a little crazy, feasting on home-made wicked oreos, going a bit more crazy, reminiscing high school days, playing "squabble", and just having fun.

And I realized just now how much I miss them. Their company. The fun. The crazy moments. The memories.

This is one of the moments I wouldn't trade for anything else in the world.

The "D" Word

I therefore conclude that I absolutely despise the "d" word.

Every time I hear that word, the air around me would immediately be contaminated with that deadly virus called awkwardness. It's stupid and it stresses me out. I try to act like I'm okay with it when in fact, I'm not. Well, it's sort of okay but not really. I just feel this animosity towards that word and the act itself. It's just... not for me. Like, that word and I in the same sentence would never go well together, no matter who or what the third person or object in that sentence would be.

So please, for the sake of my sanity, stop mentioning that word to me. It drives me crazy. :(

No strings attached

Funny, I thought I would have more time for myself now that I have let go of you.

But I guess I was wrong.

You still seem to have these invisible strings attached to me, controlling my movement against my will.

Is it too much to ask to let me decide for myself? To let me do what I want and not because you said so?

Stop being so unfair.

16 Days to go

And those sixteen days will probably be among the busiest days of my life. We only got our major subjects left but we're still busier than ever. I just want this semester to end. It's both the best and the worst semester of my entire college life so far, in terms of academics. I learned a lot and I actually enjoyed some of the things we've been taught during this semester but I guess the number of things I learned is indirectly proportional to the grades I'll be getting. Because yes, life is unfair like that. Sigh.

Well, it's mostly my fault anyway. I just feel bad about it right now because I know I could have done better. But instead of sulking over the past things, I might as well just focus on the rest of this semester. There's still a lot of things to do before this nightmare ends.

1. TCOM 122.1 Long Exam #3 [03.08.10]

2. TCOM 151.2 Lab Activity 7 [03.09.10]

3. TCOM 151.2 Lab Activity 8[03.16.10]

4. TCOM 143 FINALS [03.10.10]

5. TCOM 122.2 Lab Activity (Hamming Code)

6. TCOM 151.2 Lab Report 4 [03.20.10]

7. TCOM 151.2 Lab Reports 5, 6, 7, 8

8. TCOM 122.1 Group Report (Turbo Codes) [03.19.10]

9. TCOM 151.1 Case Study

10. TCOM 122.1 Long Exam #4

11. TCOM 151.2 Seminar Papers

I'm so fucking stressed right now, dammit.

What the fuck do you expect me to do?

Fuck this.

Set your fucking priorities straight, man.

Cause you know what, one of this days I might finally snap ang get tired of all your shit.

Damn this. Damn this all to hell.

Here's to 21 years of awesomeness, and to many more years to come!

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday, Kira.

If there's one reason why I would celebrate Valentine's Day, it would be because it's Kira-niisan's birthday. ♥

Day 13 — A fictional book

The Tales of Beedle the Bard

When I saw this book at the bookstore, I swore I was going to buy it. But, with my busy schedule and all school-related hullabaloo, I completely forgot about it. I don't even know why I wanted to read it. I haven't even got around to reading Half-Blood Prince and Deathly Hollows yet.

Yes, I know, for a Harry Potter fan, I'm such a loser. I just can't bring myself to read the next book after Sirius died. And maybe because I know Dumbledore is also going to die in that book. But I watched the HBP movie because my dormer friends kidnapped me. Heh. The OtP movie on the other hand, I still haven't finished watching yet. I just don't want to see Sirius vanishing. Pffft. Give some fan girl some time to grieve, will ya? Two years is not enough. Haha. Just leave me be. I'll finish it someday. Hopefully. As for this book, I think I might buy it when I have money again. I'm kinda broke right now.

Day 12 — Whatever Tickles Your Fancy

Too many unsent letters.

Too many unsaid words.

Too many kept secrets.

This is the closest you can get me to confessing.

-----

I have this strangest attraction to how you handle words. I have never met anyone before who can put so much feelings into words -- to string up a bunch of words together and own it. I can't really explain it. Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's just the way every word seem to pierce through my heart and fill it with either so much joy or sadness. Or maybe it's just you. It's always about you.

Day 10 — A photo of me taken recently

LST Lunch last Thursday with Cameh, Chaii and Ronna. ♥

Blah. My hair is so messy here. Haha. But I kind of like this picture, nonetheless. Recently, it has been in our schedules that we have our lunch at LST on Thursdays. It all started when Chaii and I had our lunch there and we found out that their food was so much cheaper than that of the cafeteria's. And thus, the LST Thursdays was created. Hee. :3

Chaii and I took a different route to LST a while ago. Instead of going through the long way, we decided to take the road less traveled -- the one beside the college covered courts. We have no idea where we were going so we just followed a bunch of students who we suspected were going to the LST caf as well. But, they suddenly vanished and we don't know where they went so we got lost and ended up at the residential cafeteria. Haha. Then someone noticed that we were lost and pointed us to the right direction. Well, it wouldn't be as much fun if we didn't get lost. We just laughed about it afterwards. Hahaha.

i felt too much sadness in my heart

and it hurt so much

that i couldn't help my tears from falling

Day 10 — A photo of me taken over ten years ago

[insert picture here]

So I guess I owe you a picture. I don't have my old photos with me. I promise I'll scan one when I get home. :D

Day 09 — A Photo I Took

Shadows

(I'm a little late in posting this. Haha. ;p)

That is my sister and I, being bored at the soccer field in BU. I don't know why I like this picture so much. There's just something about shadows that fascinates me, I guess.

FOCUS

I need to write my philosophy paper but I just feel so tired. I want to lie down and just sleep for the rest of the afternoon and ditch my class and all the other stuff that I'm supposed to do today. Can we just freeze time for a while until I get back on my gears?

No? Sigh. That's what I thought. );

Day 08 — A Photo that makes me Sad

Graduation Picture

This picture reminds me that I still/only have a year left in college. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be sad sad about it or I should be happy sad that I'm not graduating yet.

Day 07 — A Photo that makes me Happy

My bestfriends.

Day 06 — Whatever Tickles Your Fancy

Fanfiction.

Day 05 — Favorite Quote

"I'll do whatever I want and to hell with the consequences."

Day 04 — Favorite Book

Sherlock Holmes

Day 03 — Favorite Television Program

Psych

I rarely watch television nowadays. And on the rare days when I have nothing to do or when I'm simply bored, I watch anime, teleseryes or random channel surfing. Right now, I'm caught up with the American Idol season. But as for my favorite show, I've got to say it's Psych. Detective madness spiced up with crazy humor -- there's no reason not to love it. ♥

Day 02 — Favorite Movie

One More Chance

Haha. I have a lot of favorite movies from Disney so to be fair, I'm going to choose a Filipino movie for this one. One More Chance FTW. :)

Day 01 — Favorite Song

Live Like You're Dying (Kris Allen)

I'm pretty much in love with this song right now. ♥

February Dare

I have this issue of posting too much emo-ness in this blog. Well, at least all the other stuff that I can't post in Tumblr end up here and most of them are either about me being serious or emotional. So, to spice up my blogger a bit, I found this wonderful solution in the form of a meme. Every day this month I'm going to post random stuff according to the meme and start ranting from that topic. Hee. :3

Day 01 — Your favorite song (as of right now..)

Day 02 — Your favorite movie

Day 03 — Your favorite television program

Day 04 — Your favorite book

Day 05 — Your favorite quote

Day 06 — Whatever tickles your fancy

Day 07 — A photo that makes you happy

Day 08 — A photo that makes you angry/sad

Day 09 — A photo you took

Day 10 — A photo of you taken over ten years ago

Day 11 — A photo of you taken recently

Day 12 — Whatever tickles your fancy

Day 13 — A fictional book

Day 14 — A non-fictional book

Day 15 — A fanfic

Day 16 — A song that makes you cry (or nearly)

Day 17 — An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)

Day 18 — Whatever tickles your fancy

Day 19 — A talent of yours

Day 20 — A hobby of yours

Day 21 — A recipe

Day 22 — A website

Day 23 — A YouTube video

Day 24 — Whatever tickles your fancy

Day 25 — Your day, in great detail

Day 26 — Your week, in great detail

Day 27 — This month, in great detail

Day 28 — This year, in great detail

Day 29 — Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days

Day 30 — Whatever tickles your fancy

My heart feels like it's going to burst from too much sadness.

Uchiha Bride

Sasuke in a wedding dress.

His character seems to be so dark in the manga recently. So I thought I'd make him look... less dark. Haha. XD *evil laugh*

(This was sketched in my planner but it turned out horribly when I uploaded it so I had to re-do it in Paint.)

formspring.me

pano ba mag-like nga mga sagot mo dito sa formspring? ang cool mo!

Napatalon naman sa tuwa ang puso ko sa sinabi mo. Haha. Thank you. Sino to? Whoever you are, you are my most favorite anonymous formspring-er right now. ;))

blow me some bubbles

Burnout - a psychological term for the experience of long-term exhaustion and diminished interest.

I've been buried in nothing but school work since January came. Three weeks now. Three weeks of hell in the form of exams, papers, readings, and all other shit work that comes with it. I don't think I have gotten a good night's sleep since the new year crawled in. And just when I thought I could at least have a short break a week or so from now, that thought bubble burst into thin air when I found out we also have an exam scheduled for that week.

I honestly feel like collapsing from too much exhaustion. I just want to rest for a while. Is that too much to ask? Sigh.

It's amazing how one person can make you feel that everything's going to be fine even if it seems like the whole world is falling apart.

Thank you. :)

Ironic

Isn't it ironic, that the very person who can cheer you up with such a simple message would be the same person to make you experience this much drama?

And that person doesn't even know anything about it.

Le sigh.

Hey moon, please forget to fall down.

(Photo from happy monsters.)

In my defense, I sighed a second before I read your entry about you sighing a lot.

Sigh.

This is hopeless. I am hopeless.

Sugar Crash

You know that feeling, when you're insanely happy that you feel like your heart is going to burst from too much happiness but then something happens and all that positive energy becomes negative in an instant?

That's exactly what I'm feeling right now.

Sometimes I think I'm being over-emotional about some things. It doesn't take much to please me but it takes only one little thing to burst that bliss bubble. I wish I weren't that simple. That it would take more than that to make me happy so that I wouldn't care much when things start to get fucked up. But then, that means I would be giving up my happiness in exchange for not getting disappointed, or hurt even. And that would be like cheating myself -- depriving myself of the simple pleasures of life because I'm too much of a coward to face the reality that the world is indeed fucked up.

Sigh.

Okay, I'm thinking more rationally now. Or at least I hope so. Maybe the reason why I feel so down easily is because I'm expecting too much. I'm caught up in this stupid delusion that everything would turn out right in the end. That things would go the way I want them to be. I know deep down that it's nearly impossible but that doesn't stop me from hoping -- from rooting for that small chance that maybe, just maybe, it would indeed happen. But then again, I think I'm just fooling myself. I've been fooling myself for years now.

Denial is a sad thing. Delusion is worse.

formspring.me

Whats wrong lovely. You seem distressed? Ah, well i hope you are having a nice day :)

I'm just stressed with school work. Thankyou, I'm feeling better now. I hope you're having a great day too. :)

blow me some bubbles

Another Case of Being Anti-Social

It's not that I intentionally try to hide or run away from people but the introvert in me demands for me to do so. That, and my resolution to not be an extra wheel in what's supposedly an even-numbered wheel vehicle.

So, yeah. Sorry if I seem to be a bit cold. I just don't feel like dealing with people sometimes (usually when I don't have enough sleep). And my guidance councilor assured me that it's a perfectly normal trait for introverts and that I'm not just being a cold-hearted bitch. ;p

2009