Sorry if I'm taking this a bit too personally.

It's hard not to.

You know that feeling, when everything is just going great but then you get this nagging feeling in your guts that something wrong is going to happen, and you can’t enjoy what you are supposed to be enjoying at the moment?

I feel like that right now. Sigh.

Wasting Time

(i'm not posting this on facebook because, well, i don't want to.)

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
- i don't think so. but my name is already as common as it is.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIEd?
- last night. while watching In My Life. TT_TT

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
- sometimes. ;p

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAL?
- bangus. :D

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
- nope

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
- maybe.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
- when i feel like it.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
- yes.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
- i'm scared but i want to.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
- honey stars.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
- rarely.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
- this will always be one of the hardest question. can i just say all?

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
- uhh, smile?

15. RED OR PINK?
- red

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
- crammer

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
- right now, my best friend.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST?
- since i'm posting this here, obviously not.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
- pink shorts and i'm barefooted.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
- crazy for this girl (evan and jaron)

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
- purrrple

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
- coffee.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
- my dad.

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
- what kind of like are we talking about here? ;p

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
- tennis, basketball.

27. HAIR COLOR?
- black

28. EYE COLOR?
- black/brown

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
- nope

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
- marami. haha.

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
- happy endings.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
- In My Life

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
- dark blue

34. Summer or winter?
- winter

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
- hugs

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
- uh, what?

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
- this is crazy.

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
- my name is red.

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
- i don't have a mouse pad.

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
- hmm. news? haha

42. FAVORITE SONG(S).
- a lot.

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
- both?

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
- negros?

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
- procrastinating. it's a tough job.

46 WHERE WERE U BORN?
- Sorsogon City

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
- whoever's

Ako na.

Ako na ang patay na patay sayo.

Rock the Halls: Rock Star for a Night

with the ultimate rock star, Ate Ning.

AECES Christmas Party - DiROCK Delta.
Prince David Roof Deck.
11 December 2009

It was so much fun. I had a blast. And even though my rock band skills were crappy, I still enjoyed it. Hahaha.

I felt like a rock star for one night. \m/

Procrastinating

Okay, so I really need to get some things finished. Soon.

It's past 11 in the evening and I haven't done any schoolwork yet. Not to mention it's my hell week next week and I'm probably being suicidal by procrastinating this much. I just don't feel like doing anything. My brain has been on Christmas vacation ever since December came and I'm not really doing much to make it come back from its early vacation.

Blah. I think I just need some kind of motivation. A distraction to distract me from my distractions. If that made any sense at all.

So... I'm doing this checklist thing again. In hopes of bringing myself back to reality. And because apparently, having a planner does not work for me this time.

1. TCOM151 lab report (theoretical framework)

2. TCOM122 lab report

3. PoS100 readings (long test)

4. Hi166 readings (for quiz)

5. Hi166 bibliography for research paper

6. Ph104 readings

7. Th131 readings

Oh, and did I mention I was going to die this week? I didn't? Well, I certainly am going to die this week. Ohgod, can we just fast forward to Christmas break? x_x

Isaw Tuesdays

Yes, I commemorate this day, 8th of December of the year 2009, as the day I first ate isaw.

Consider it a Christmas gift for my friends.

I just remembered it now cause I'm starting to get weird slight stomach aches. Or maybe i'm just that paranoid. Bleh.

Prayers for Bobby

I’ve just finished watching this and my eyes are all red and puffy now. I think I cried for about three quarters of the movie and I have used up an entire pack of tissue paper. But the tears just kept on coming, I couldn’t help it.

On an entirely different note, almost everything about the movie reminded me of my Theology class. I was like, “that was what we were discussing in class last meeting!” (There was even a part where the answer to our quiz was given. I wish I have watched this before. Tsk tsk.) I am so tempted to email my teacher and tell him about this movie. Haha. Maybe I will.

I still get teary-eyed every time I hear news about the Ampatuan Massacre.

Even now, I still can't find the words to describe how I feel about that incident.

First Day of Sem Post Part Deux

Technically, it's the second day of the semester but... okay, I have no excuse. It is the second day of the semester.

But just to not make myself look totally stupid, it is the first meeting for some of my classes, so ha! ;p

I was a minute late for my first class -- History. I wouldn't have been late if it weren't for this strong urge to check my mail when I woke up. Well, there was good news waiting for me in my mail so I'm okay with being late. XD As for the class itself, well... let's just say that I've never liked History before (although at some point, I deceived myself that I did) and I never will. Let's just leave it at that.

TCOM lab was uneventful, as usual. We didn't really had class but we stayed inside the room because it was airconditioned. Haha. We also had a photoshoot of some sort with JanJan's new mini Diana. That, I like. <3

PolSci was... interesting. Well, not the subject itself because I don't think I'll ever come in good terms with anything related to politics, but the fact that there was a cage in front of the room, with a piano inside it... I still have no idea what to make of that. It still bothers me. I don't think I'll even try to sleep in that class no matter how boring it may get. I'm sure it wouldn't be so pretty if I woke up and find myself inside that cage with the piano. I don't know if my teacher is capable of teleporting us inside that cage but who knows, she just might. She's cool like that.

I had Theology after PolSci. Theology is Theology and forever will be Theology. But I think I'm gonna love Theology this sem because... well, just because. God seems to love me a whole lot more this semester and I can't thank Him enough for that. Bwaha. If it's possible to grin like mad for an hour and a half every Tuesdays and Thursdays for an entire semester, I'd prolly do that. But then I'll look stupid so I'll just put on my best poker face but you'll know I'm really smiling deep down.

Haha. Theology really got me all hyped up today. Lalala~ I hope it lasts for the whole semester. XD

Inspiration is just an aisle and seat away, and a glance outside the window.

Do I really have to make a first day of sem post?

I haven't even started with my last day of sem post for last semester.

Ahh, screw that.

This semester is... well, I can't really tell yet. I'm still having problems with my schedule. I'm not used to having Monday classes anymore. Boo that. I want my old schedule back.

My first class for the semester was, uhmm, a disaster, to say at the very least. We were just reviewing stuff we should have had learned last semester but we were totally clueless. Well, I was. I think I need to start taking memory enhancers already. Tsk.

The only thing fun about it was that I was able to see my friends again after a long time. But I'm definitely not looking forward to our "surprise" quiz next meeting. Apparently, my brain is still in sembreak mode and I doubt that will change within this week.

Had a short meeting after that. Then I hung out with Via, Elaine, and Isadelle at the caf. Had lunch with Chaii, Cameh, Ronna and Zel at Flaming Wings and talked about some stuff. We were making so much noise, I bet other people were starting to get annoyed but I really don't care about 'em. We're just having fun. XD

I almost got late for my philosophy class. We had to do this self-introduction where we were supposed to say what we want to do after we've graduated. Most of my classmates were saying something about a career or a business plan or something. Me? I told the class I wanted to go to outer space.

My teacher actually did a double-take and asked me again. I just replied "yeah, space". Then he said "damn. I wanted to go to space, too." I think I like him a bit more now.

I would have enjoyed the rest of the period, if it weren't for the throbbing headache that my tired eyes was giving me. It totally ruined my supposedly happy first day. Ugh.

Went to Starbucks with Via after my class. I still don't know how she got me to agree to go with her. We stayed there for a while and talked about... randominity. Then she went home with me to get her CDs.

As for me, I've been on the Internet ever since she left. And now, seven hours later, I'm still on the same spot.

Lovely.

I don't get drunk, I get allergies

5 days now.

Five freakin' days and I still have allergies from drinking beer and vodka. Oh, what the effer did I do to deserve this? It totally blew up what's left of my sembreak. Tsss.

Aside from the fact that I'm forced to drink two different medicines a day, and that I have to make sure I have my anti-itch lotion with me all the time, and that my legs are still red-ish (which reminded me of how they looked when I got dengue two months ago) -- I'm totally fine. Seriously. I'm doing real great.

Okay, I'm done fooling myself. I just want to get rid of this fucking allergy, dammit. -____-

I swear -- cross my heart, hope to die, pinky promise and all that stuff -- I will NEVER, and I mean never, touch any alcoholic drinks ever. Everrrr. Well, except for special occasions but other than that, never. You get my point.

And now I'm off to bed cause my allergies are acting up again and I don't want to deal with it.

Sixth day now. Fuck this.

At First There Was Chaos

Two weeks ago, the Philippine version of the Great Flood happened. As the rain continued to fall and the water started to rise, some lost their homes, some lost their loved ones, others lost their hope. However, the arc that was supposed to save everyone was nowhere to be found.

September 26 -- That particular Saturday morning, we had an exam that I was only half-prepared for. I was really hoping that it wouldn't push through, so when the announcement came that classes were suspended, I was silently cheering "thank you, rain. you're a life saver". Little did I know that I would regret those words just a few hours later.

I stayed at home and watched the usual morning news and shows. Around 11am, I had to run an errand for my dad which required me to go to a nearby internet cafe in the building beside ours. I was not aware that Katipunan was already flooded and the knee-high flood which greeted me outside definitely came as a surprise. But I needed to send the documents to my dad so I braved the few meters of floodwater to reach the other building.

While waiting for the documents to be scanned, I chatted with the woman in charge of the internet cafe. She told me that she was going to close in a few minutes because she had to get home to her two-year old son who she left with her sister. Apparently, the water was already starting to enter their house and her sister needed help to get their things to a higher level and look after the kids at the same time. When she asked me how bad the traffic in Katipunan is, I told her that it wasn't moving at all because of the flood so she's going to have a hard time going home in Balara.

At that moment, I felt her desperation to go home and be with her family. Her husband also went to work that morning and was also stranded somewhere. Worry was painted all over her face and the only thing I was able to do was assure her that everything would be okay. I know my words did not matter much at that time, but it was the only thing I can offer, as well as my prayers.

When I got home, I quickly washed my feet with water and alcohol. I spent almost the whole afternoon complaining how dirty the floodwater was and that I shouldn't have crossed it. However, when I saw the news about people swimming in neck-deep floodwater just to get home or to save themselves from drowning, I shut up immediately. My earlier experience was like a walk through the park compared to what they were going through.

It was only then that my eyes were opened to what was going on in the Metro. It wasn't the usual "hey-it's-raining-hard-classes-are-suspended-hooray" day. It was something more than that, something worse. I was immediately reminded of the storm that hit my hometown, Bicol, almost three years ago. At that moment, I remembered the woman from the internet shop. I remembered what it felt like to be away from your family when a disaster like this strikes. It was a feeling that, if given a choice, you wouldn't want to feel ever again.

Imagine being miles away from your family with no means of contacting them. Cellphone networks and phone lines are down and you have no idea if they're okay. The only means of knowing is through the news, which only reports on how bad the situation in the area is. It did nothing to ease your worries. If possible, it only made it worse. It came to a point where you couldn't even bear to watch the news because everything is just awful.

It was like the same thing was happening over again. But even though I know that my family is safe this time, the thought that hundreds of other people are out there somewhere, stranded in their roofs, swimming through several feet of floodwater, struggling to get home to their families, fighting to survive. It was hard not to feel for them.

The day after that disaster, the effect of Ondoy was really felt. A lot of people were left homeless and several lost their loved ones. I would like to quote a former OSCI formator, Kuya Ubit, who was one of those who were greatly affected by Ondoy: "It would be so easy to be emotional at those times. It would be so easy to blame people. It would be so easy to cry. But my wife and i chose not to. Even after seeing what Ondoy did to our house, to our belongings, to our life… instead we chose to celebrate. Celebrate because we still have our dreams… we still have each other. We may have lost a house but we got back our Home."

True, people may have lost some of their properties but in the end, what is important is that they still have their families to go home to. We were all shaken up by that incident but in time, we would all be able to get back on our feet and live on. Thankfully, Ondoy did not affect me as much as it did to others. My Ondoy experience was more of an emotional rollercoaster ride, rather than a physical one.

Three years ago, when Reming hit Bicol, all I could do was watch in the news as the houses disappear under the lahar and people become homeless, or get buried along with their houses. It was a heart-breaking scene which grips my heart every time I'm reminded of it. Back then, it all came as a shock to me. I didn't know what to do and all I was thinking was that everything was just plain awful. But when Ondoy happened, I was more prepared -- both physically and emotionally. And I know this time, I have to do something than just stand around.

Like one of my friends said in her blog, "Nung nangyari si Ondoy, parang dapat may gawin ka na lang talaga eh. Wala nang tanong tanong, dapat tumulong ka na." It was like I was given another chance to make a difference and it would be stupid of me not to take it. I helped out, not only because it was the right thing to do, but because I can.

For the next few days, I found myself helping out in the relief operations at school with hundreds of volunteers. The spirit of volunteerism was just overwhelming. The donations of food and clothes were starting to fill the area and the number of volunteers just kept on increasing. We may have different reasons why we chose to help out but in the end, that desire in us that wanted to help those who were affected by Ondoy brought us together. It was an amazing feeling that we were able to make other people's lives a bit better with all our joined efforts. Maybe, just maybe, this is the "arc" that was meant to save everyone.

Link:

Kuya Ubit's blog

Shoot Me

Why am I still so hung up on you? Dammit. -_____-

Three Shots 'o Rum Ago

I've tried talking to other people but they just can't compare to you. They can't make me smile the way you do.

Le Sigh.

Stop fighting insensitivity with insensitivity.

I did not post this to give her another round of bashing. I'm sure she got more than enough of that to last her a lifetime.

Yeah, the picture is funny but I really can't bring myself to laugh at it. Call her names if you want -- maybe she really deserved that for being insensitive, but I think this joke has gone too far. I don't think it's funny to joke about letting people drown in a flood to save a car when some people are actually drowning out there. She may turn out to be the worst criminal who ever existed but to wish that kind of fate upon her is just so... wrong.

Sorry. Maybe I'm just being oversensitive with this whole Ondoy craze and I'm really not in the mood to appreciate jokes like this right now. I might just be overreacting because I'm tired with all the volunteer work we did the whole day. And maybe after this whole hullabaloo has died down, I'll look at this picture again and have a good laugh. But for now, I just wish people would be more sensitive about some things.

Blog Addict

So how would you know if you're addicted to blogging?

My best friend often tells me that I am. I'm not sure, though. I just love ranting, rambling, writing about stupid nonsense about... everything and nothing. But sometimes my rants scare me. I mean, a lot of things are going through my head and writing keeps my mind off of them but the ideas just keep flowing one right after the other.

In my defense, though, what I lack in speaking, I make up for it in writing. So yeah, that should explain why I blog a lot. Well, it's not really an explanation but that's my excuse for now. Haha. XD

Anyway~ I really ought to do my lab reports. Gahd, I left Tumblr only to go back here in Blogspot. Blog-constraint FAIL. Hahaha.

My very first ragetoon

Welcome to my life.

Dear Sasuke

You're such a fucking jerk.

'nuff said.

Long Time No Blog?

Why, hello thur, blogspot. Long time no blog, huh? I'm sorry if I have been ignoring you. Tumblr has got me captivated. XD

9/9/09 9:09

lotsa nines.

I wish it were enough to bring me all the luck I need.

The Sky is Crying For Me

Oh, dear Lord, I think I'm going to die like, right now.

Theology orals in an hour.

Im'ma fail.

Please stop time for me.

I'm randomly uttering curses already.

I'm so damn fucking nervous. Shit.

Goodbye For Now

Goodbye Plurk.

Goodbye Tumblr.

Goodbye Restaurant City.

Goodbye Mafia Wars.

At least for now, I want to say goodbye.

Second Chances

I posted this on my tumblr a few days ago. It's more of a message to myself than to anyone else, really. I've been getting a lot of second chances lately and every time, every single time, I just take it for granted. It makes me wish I could turn back time and do it all over again. But that's what the second chances are for, right? So you wouldn't have regrets after.

I've screwed up more than a couple of times before but that was in the past. Now, I'm ready to take that second chance and make the best out of it. And this time, I won't mess it up. I won't have any regrets.

This Isn't Funny Anymore

I have an hour before my first class starts and I have barely two paragraphs for my paper. Damn. I can't seem to write anything. I can't organize my thoughts. They're all messed up in my brain and I don't know what to say in my paper. I don't even know what my point is.

This really isn't funny anymore. I'm not sure if I'll be able to finish in time. Where the hell are my muses when I need them? I need some creative juices here. TT_TT

It's Over

I don't feel like writing my paper anymore. Really, it just... doesn't make sense. I can't clear that giant fog that is clouding my thoughts.

Someone, lend me another brain please. I promise I'll return it soon after I got my brain working again.

Fail Much

I just realized that if ever my philosophy teacher stumbled upon this blog, I AM SO DEAD.

Blog spam FAIL.

I've Gone Mental

Kasi Rachel, ganito yan. Ang mga tao, normal na tao, natutulog sa gabi tapos gising sa umaga. Hindi katulad mo na gising sa gabi tapos minsan, gising pa rin sa umaga. Nagpapakamatay ka ba? Ano ba sa tingin mo ginagawa mo sa buhay mo, ha? Andami mong kailangang gawin para mamaya pero anong ginagawa mo ngayon? WALA.

Para ka namang tanga e. Ayusin mo nga ang buhay mo, pwede?

At huling hirit na, pwede bang matulog ka naman? Okay? Wag mong masyadong minamahal 'yang mga eyebags mo.

After 10 Hours of "Philosophizing"

This is what I've written for my paper so far:

Fucking Research Paper

How the fuck did the philosophers branch out from another? Dammit. Like hell I care. But I should. Cause this is like, a huge part of my grade. DAAAAAMN.

The End.

Guess who's going to be dead later.

I Am So Effing Useless

Dear philo paper,

Please write yourself and relieve me of this stress. I want to get some sleep, if possible.

Thank you.

Love,

Rachel

P.S.

I'm not getting any sleep tonight, am I? Le Sigh.

I Need Coffee

I won't survive this night without it. I have barely started reading for my paper and my eyes are drooping already. Damn. I'm going down to get myself some coffee.

And now the unofficial battle between coffee and philosophy begins.

Clueless

You know what's so hard about writing this goddamned paper? It's because I don't have a bloody idea what to write about. I mean, at least give me some epiphany!

Okay, maybe I should have been reading all those sources I got but then again, I don't know what to focus on while reading. This is an epic failure. Oh, I will be so dead tomorrow.

I Hate It...

...when people waste my time for me.

I'm Hungry

I haven't had dinner yet and I'm staaaarving. >_<

And I'm suddenly craving for pizza. And pasta. And banoffee pie. And cupcakes.

Okay, I'm ranting but I really want to have pizza.

Ooooh~ Dinner's here. It's not pizza, though. Maybe next time. XD

Pick Up the Pieces

After I'm done writing this, I promise to focus on my philo paper. No more random browsing in the internet. No more playing Clue classic. No more photoshop-ing. No more plurking/tweeting/facebook-ing. No more fanfictions. It would be just me, my philo paper, and the mountain of sources that I currently have, waiting to be read.

Seriously though, I don't know what's wrong with me recently. I'm just not in the mood to do anything at all. Is that some sort of side-effect of getting sick for two weeks? Okay, I'm making up excuses for being lazy, it's pathetic.

I think things around me are distracting me more than I wanted them to. And I need to stop myself from indulging in them too much. I know they're ruining my life but it's like an addiction... there's always this need to have a dose of them whenever I have a hang moment or something. Sigh. I just need to get over this.

So now I'll try to start picking up the pieces and get my old not-so-fucked up life back. Maybe then I could actually start enjoying the things I do and not get all panick-y because I've forgotten to do something for a class. Maybe then everything would be better.

Wish me luck, I guess. The real battle starts now.

Completely Fucked Up

"your life is completely fucked up!!!: what the fuck happened to you!!! you used to be ok. all i can say is that you need some serious counceling."

I got this result in Facebook. It's kind of depressing but nonetheless true. I don't know what I've been doing recently. Everything's just being fucked up and all that shit.

I want my old life back.

I'm Spamming My Blog

This is like my fourth blog today and it's only lunch time. Maybe I can reach 10 by dinner.

It's not like I'm bored. More like "I really don't want to start with school requirements even if I badly need to." Oh, I'll be so dead by tomorrow. :\

And I need something to distract me from opening my tumblr. Damn, it's been more than 24 hours already and I miss browsing through the pictures/quotes/blogs.

Le Sigh.

I wish Friday would come sooner.

Waste of Time

I hate it when I waste time on useless things...

...like this blog.

Oh, when will you ever learn?

I'm frustrated right now.

I can't seem to do things that I should be doing. Even though I know there isn't much time left for me to do it. It's just that... I don't feel like doing them. I'm not, in the slightest bit, in the mood to do anything. They're all just a bunch of requirements that I need to submit in order to pass my subjects. There's not even a bit fun in doing them.

And now I'm wasting time on the internet. I'll prolly blame it on this when I start messing up in my classes, not to mention the semester is almost coming to an end and I won't have enough time to redeem myself.

Le Sigh.

I prolly should go and make something out of myself.

Do you really have to click on that damn refresh button every damn five minutes?

Asshole.

It's Official

I do not know how to "reflect".

It all ends up in senseless ranting. I don't even get my point anymore.

Damn this.

A High Price to Pay

Only you can cheer me up these days...

...but it's costing me a lot.

Are you worth it?

To You, From Me

Dear myself,

Get a LIFE.

Seriously, what the hell have you been doing lately? Do you even realize that you're supposed to be facing hell this week? Or have you forgotten about that little fact?

Please, I am begging you to start doing something school-related. Fucking close this browser already, for fuck's sake! Internet is not doing you good. I hope you realize that.

And if it's still not sinking in in that tiny brain of yours, I'll say it out loud for you: YOU'RE GOING TO BE FAILING YOUR CLASSES IF YOU DON'T START PICKING YOURSELF UP, IDIOT.

I'm done ranting. I hope you got my point.

Much love,

Kaori

ONE BIG FIGHT!

WIN or LOSE it's the school we choose!

Better than a Cup of Coffee

I never LOVED philosophy this much before. And I'm not being sarcastic, for once.

I just finished with my oral exam and i'm still wearing this stupid grin on my face. The 6th of August will be marked down on my calendar as the day I did NOT fuck up my oral exam.

I actually missed my schedule last Tuesday because of headache and nausea. It was a good thing my teacher agreed to reschedule it.

We had seven thesis statements, three of which I don't have any idea how to explain last Tuesday. Thursday came and still don't know how to explain the first one.

I was hoping to get the last one because I love the idea of explaining Matrushka dolls to him. Unfortunately I got the only thesis statement I was clueless about (and which i was still asking my classmate about right before I entered the room).

I was randomly talking about ninjas and fixity and flux and strategies and all other ninja-related stuffs. Watching Naruto really, really paid off this time. Muahahaha. It is now safe to conclude that animes are philosophical.

I ranted on about more random stuffs. Purely personal input since I really didn't get that topic in class. And then sir was asking random questions which I kept on answering based on what I remembered from animes.

At the end my orals, my teacher told me that i'm a great thinker and i was like "...are you for real?" but i just smiled and said "but my papers aren't that good."

But still... i'm so hyped up but what he said. It was better than a steaming cup of coffee for someone who didn't get much sleep. Haha.

In fact, i was so hyper i even forgot my bag inside the consultation room. Embarrassing, yeah, but t'was worth it. XD

Get a Life

I've been staring at nothing the whole day...

And people tell me to "get a life"...

...but i keep on telling them "NO".

Fanfiction Gone Bad

It was an hour before midnight and Harry Potter was not even halfway done with reviewing in Defence Against Dark Arts. They have an exam the following morning and unlike the usual practical exams they had the previous years, Umbridge preferred a more theoretical approach.

Harry put his quill down and pressed his head down on the table. He immediately began to wonder if he would be at least a little bit smarter when the clock strikes twelve, signaling his 15th birthday.

Suddenly, the author realized that even though this is entirely fanfiction, she got the facts all wrong since Harry Potter was born on the 31st of July which means that it was still summer break when he celebrated his fifteenth birthday. What more, they weren't supposed to be back at Hogwarts yet, seeing that they were bound to return on the 1st of September.

It is now safe to conclude that this is another one of the author's failed attempts in writing a Harry Potter fanfiction. Her muses are currently in denial that they are working for the said author and claims that they had nothing to do with their master's sudden burst of fanfiction idea.

THE END.

STOP. REWIND. PLAY.

Sometimes I wish someone would tell me to STOP...

...but I'm not a little girl anymore.

I Need to Get a Life

Seriously.

Come Tuesday, and I'm surely gonna die in philosophy and electromagnetics. Damn.

It's just that I really don't get a thing about any of our lessons. What's worse is that even though I'm having difficulties understanding our lessons, I'm still not doing anything about it. It's easier to give up on it when you know it's a hopeless case.

Blah. I don't wanna rant anymore. This is effing useless. ><.

Stumbled upon Tumblr

Bubbles meets Tumblr.

Oh, hai thur.

A First for August

A new day.

A new month.

A new start (hopefully).

Another Naruto Post

I haven't cried over an anime for a long time now. I was definitely caught off guard by the latest episodes of Naruto (119-120). Damn. I certainly didn't expect a flashback.

Although, if I must say, this is definitely one of the few flashbacks that I really loved. We've all been waiting for an explanation about Obito's death and how Kakashi got his Sharingan, and now, we finally got one. I just never expected Kakashi to be such a real asshole before. He was worse of a jerk than Sasuke is, seriously. But he's a whole lot better now. He seemed to have picked up after Obito's character, somehow. (Good for him. XD)

Obito, on the other hand, is a different story. He's somehow like Naruto. The goggles definitely reminded me of Naruto but that's besides the point. I guess you just have to watch it to get what I'm saying but really, you'll find it hard not to think they're actually alike in some ways.

For a two-episode character, I really, really liked Obito. You'd see how much his character has grown in just that two episodes and that's saying a lot since it was only a two-day setting, I think. Perhaps that was what got me tearing up quite hard while watching it. He wasn't even given enough time catch up with the character change and they killed him off... It's just sad. TT_TT

I just hope this isn't a foreshadowing about what's going to Sasuke and Naruto. I mean, it would really suck of Naruto died because of Sasuke being a jerk. That wouldn't be fair. Perhaps if Sasuke wouldn't be so stubborn, he might actually have a character change as well. Haha, wishful thinking. Lol.

Anyway, both the manga and the anime are quite exciting right now. They got the gears in my head turning. There are just a lot of things going on and you can't help but speculate. But I prolly should start working on schoolwork now. I've wasted enough time already. Haha.

P.S.

I woke up to find my eyes slightly swollen from having cried a bit too much last night. Lol. So much for watching anime. Haha. XD

Time Turner

Do you know why people can't go back in time?

It's more than just the defiance of physics laws and whatnot...

It's because people need to learn from their mistakes and allowing them to go back in time would defeat that purpose...

...but I wish I have my own time turner, because apparently,

I never seem to learn from my mistakes.

Chaos

Sigh.

Can't I be emo for a while without thinking about schoolwork in the process? It just gets more depressing, if possible.

School has been keeping me down this past few weeks. Months, even. I just don't know what I want anymore. I thought I wanted this. I really did. But it always comes to a point where you want to start everything over but you can't turn your back on anything you have at the moment. It just sucks.

Right now, I'm just waiting for some alternate reality to swallow me up and take me to another world. I badly need a break from all things. I almost wish someone can obliviate me right now. I want to forget, think straight, and move on. Cause apparently, sometime during my perfectly normal life (if you can even call it normal), everything just got messed up and I'm still caught up in the rubbles.

Really, one would think I would be tired from thinking about this all the time. I am tired, but I can't get it off my mind. It's like it's stuck there to torment me every single fucking day of my already fucked up academic life. I just want answers. Answers to questions I don't even know. Answers that would get me out of this mess. Answers that would let me move on...

If I can take one step, just one step, would I be strong enough to take a step away from this madness that has been keeping me sane...?

I'll Keep on Dreaming...

A dream is a wish your heart makes

When you're fast asleep

In dreams you will lose your heartaches

Whatever you wish for, you keep...

A Procrastinator's Deal

To whom it may concern:

It has been brought to attention, that I, Kaori, had been suffering from academic fallbacks due to my current title as Mistress Procrastinator and Queen of all Crammers. I had been long living up to my reputation as such, however, the damage done recently is way beyond repair.

The Order of Two-Headed Turtles (aka the Procrastinator's Society) has decided to cut me some slack and allowed me to not fully carry out my responsibilities as the current Mistress Procrastinator. This does not mean, in any way, that I am giving up my title. However, in any case that a worthy successor should make himself/herself known, I would gladly step down from my throne.

In accordance to the decision of the Order, a contract has been drafted to make sure I will be back to my full-time position in no time. The agreement is as follows:

[1] Thou shall not play Restaurant City, Mafia Wars, and Waka-Waka nor indulge in answering FB quizzes except on weekends and free days (see definition of free day in Appendix).

[2] Thou shall not read nor write (nor even plot) fanfictions unless thou completely ran out of things to do.

[3] Thou shall not stalk random people over the internet especially Harry Potter characters (and a certain guy named Tom Felton).

[4] Thou shall only plurk to let people know that thou is still alive. Overplurking shall not be tolerated.

[5] Thou shall spend thy Mondays and Fridays at the library, catching up on the lessons thou missed because a) thou is not listening, b) thou is sleeping/daydreaming, c) thou really have no clue what thy teacher is talking about, and/or d) thy brain completely shut down during lecture.

[6] Thou shall fill thy notebook with actual notes instead of the usual nonsense scribbles and pathetic works of (f)art.

[7] Thou shall sleep before the clock strikes midnight. Staying up late will only be allowed during nights before exams and/or other academic-related matters.

The rules are summarized, but not limited, to the aforementioned. Any form of non-compliance to these rules will result to the termination of my title as resident Mistress Procrastinator and Queen Crammer. This agreement is only temporary until I am able to pull my grades up to a reasonable notch.

Sworn on the 22nd day of July, 2009, on my bed, in my room, somewhere in the world.

Signed,

Kaori

Mistress Procrastinator

Queen of all Crammers

Wake Up, Dear. Reality's Calling.

What would you have done, when all you ever wanted was to escape from the very thing that had been chasing you all this time?

Reality's been knocking on my door for some quite time now but I have yet to awaken from my deep slumber. It's just so easy to pretend I don't hear it calling and drift back to an endless dream of nothingness.

It feels confusing, being trapped in a thin line between reality and whatnot, when all I have to do is step out of it and choose a side. But it's not that easy... it has never been. It's like staying in the middle of a tug-of-war game, with both sides pulling, but you're not giving way to either because you're scared -- scared of choosing the wrong side... scared that they might consume you completely. So in the end, you just wouldn't let go. You just hold on to both of them and see who pulls harder because maybe, just maybe, you'll end up with the one who deserves you more.

It is cowardly, I know... but I have never really been that strong.

I'm tired of running around in circles. Tired of being caught up in situations I don't wanna be in. Tired of making up excuses. Tired of pretending everything is okay... that everything would be okay.

I wish it were that easy to just say "Hey, stop the world. I wanna get off..." and then the world would stop for me and I can just leave all this mess behind...

But just when I'm about to drift off to another peaceful slumber, I start hearing that small voice again saying "wake up, dear. reality's calling..." and I'll whisper back with a half-glare, "reality's such a bitch..."

Then, I'd be forced to get out of bed and face this unwanted guest. Invite her in for coffee and a one-sided conversation. I'll be sipping my coffee, nodding off my fake agreement from time to time, catching a few words but not really listening.

At the end of the day I'll look back and realize, "yeah, she's really a bitch... and look, she got puppies." And then, I'll just shrug it off, go to bed and get some sleep. It'll be another few hours before reality comes knocking on on my door again.

No Ink on my Torn Paper

This is one of the days that I really, really, really miss writing.

If I weren't so busy, I'd wish that my muses are still alive and kicking and bothering me every second about fic ideas and whatnot. It's just that... it's not only a problem about time. It seems that I'm not really that enthusiatic when I write about things these days. I seem to notice absolutely everything that I hate in what I write and more often than not, I only disappoint myself in the end.

Sigh.

I so need an awesome fic idea and an even more awesome mood to be able to get my writer soul back. I terrible miss it already.

14-15-16

The Wimbledon Finals is another one of the must-see games in the history of tennis. Roger Federer and Andy Roddick in a four-hour, 16-minute epic match with 16-14 games in the fifth set.

Whoah, just whoah.

It was totally worth watching. Well, considering it was the only game in Wimbledon this year that I considered watching, it should be at least worth my time. Haha.

Federer has finally beaten Pete Sampras' record of 14 Grand Slam titles with his 15th today. And he also got back his title of World #1 in tennis (aww, poor Nadal).

Kudos to both him and Roddick.

Okay, so I was really rooting for Andy Roddick ever since he won against Andy Murray in the semis. You can really see how much his tennis improved. And to think he was able to hold on his own against Federer in a match that lasted 30 games in the fifth set (considering their usual games only last three sets), he is definitely worthy of praise.

I think his last unforced error was a really big blow to him. He worked so hard to get that far only to give Federer the title. He was sooooo close to getting a Wimbledon title. Sigh. Better luck next time, I guess. He was still able to joke around during the awarding ceremony but he really looked so devastated afterwards. I feel like hugging him. Haha. XD

I'm looking forward to the US Open. Nadal, I shall see you there, hopefully. You were much missed during your absence in the Wimbledon. Get well, soon. :)

And Djokovic, you better train your ass off. I wanna see you reach the semis at least. You're still hot, though. LOL. :))

Where'd all my money go?

I only have coins in my wallet right now. All my bills were spent during our two-hour spontaneous trip to SM Marikina. I was only supposed to accompany Elisa buy a new string for her tennis racquet but we ended up staying there for two hours cause there were a lot of people who also had their racquet restrung. -____-

And I just realized how much of an impulse buyer I am. I see things I want, I buy them. Oh, my poor poor allowance, where art thou? I went into bankruptcy in just a span of few hours. My mom's so gonna kill meh.

I think I spent around P1500 today. And that shopping spree wasn't even planned! Gawds... I don't have money for next week. I have to ask my mom to send me my allowance on Monday. Sheesh. I don't wanna explain how my money went down the drain. T_T

In my defense, the whole floor was practically on sale! Some items were even 50% off. I couldn't stop myself from buying. -____- I bought a new bag (pink and purple). A jacket. Two shirts. A baunan. And a Waka-Waka slippers! I so so so love the slippers! And it's purrrple. I wanted to buy that Parisian flats and the other purple bag but I decided to spare my wallet from being totally drained. I promised to be back though. I think the sale would last until the end of the month. Muahahaha. *evil laugh*

Good luck to my wallet, though. Haha. XD

Kuh-Rah-Ming

I'm supposed to be working on my presentation in my innovations class but my topic has rendered my brain worthless for the time being. Well, it's not because it's lame. On the contrary, its awesomeness level is a notch short from reaching the top.

For someone like me who loves reading a LOT, Sony's Portable Reader System (PRS series) is definitely a gift from the gods. I usually spend hours in front of my laptop reading fanfictions, mangas, novels, and whatever else is available. The problem with using a laptop, or any other computer for that matter, is that my eyes usually get tired easily from the glare of the LCD screen. Not only does it affect my mood for reading, but it also adds to my paranoia of being blinded someday cause of overworking my eyes. What I love with Sony's PRS is that it's not made up of an LCD screen but of an eInk technology. It gives you the feel of reading straight from a book.

Okay, I just realized that my ranting lead me to blog what I'm supposed to be reporting tomorrow. Hahaha! I really should be finishing my presentation now. XD

P.S.

If anyone would be so kind to give me that PRS for my birthday, it's only around $300-$400. LOL. And I want the dark blue one. Please and thank you. Haha.

Busy Much

It's only the third week of classes and we're already this busy. I can't wait for hell week to come... Not.

Honestly, if we've managed to end ourselves up with this much work now, I can't even start to imagine how we'll be able to survive the coming weeks with long exams and lab reports due. Oral exams will also be an issue. Then the increasing number of readings for the core subjects. Not to mention papers and group reports. Just the thought of it is enough to make me feel all stressed out. Sheesh.

Anyway, I was supposed to list down some of my things-to-do (just like I did before). I don't know why but somehow, I'm pressured to actually start doing things when I list them down. So, yeah.

[o] elc141.1 research paper -- so-so.

[x] tcom121.1 homework -- done!

[ ] ece161 presentation

[ ] philosophy homework

Well, it's a pretty short list but it needs a lot of time. I'll start working on my paper now. Hopefully, I can finish half of my presentation in my innovations class before I call it a night.

I Knew It

I knew I shouldn't have gone home before I have finished my philo paper. I've lost all my train of thoughts already and it's kind of hard to get in the mood again. *sigh*

This is pathetic. I know I'm cramming yet again but... well, it's kind of hard to drop something you've get so used to for that past, oh, I don't know, 8 years? They should prolly start having an International Cramming Day for all the notorious crammers out there.

I seriously need to get on with this but my brain refuses to work with me right now. Bloody traitor. And I know for sure that I need all the sleep I can get if I even want to survive my day tomorrow. I'm going to bed by 1:30 whether or not I'm done with this.

Edit:

Okay, so I just found out that I'm working on the same fragment as one of the students whose paper our teacher thinks has a high level of philosophical insight. Honestly, I am more concerned than pressured. Concerned in a sense that our teacher might think that I got my idea from that sample paper, which, by the way, I did not. I've been thinking about this for days already even if I only started putting it into words yestersday. And I absolutely have no luxury of time to come up with another insight for another fragment. I just have to risk this. I just find it freakeningly disturbing that not only do we have the same fragment, but we almost have the same issue as well. Do most teenager Christians suffer from this kind of faith instability? I certainly hope that's the case 'cause I really don't want to be accused of plagiarism or something. *shudder*

Get the Gears Moving

I'm supposed to be doing my philosophy paper right now but I can't seem to get in the mood. I haven't written anything remotely worth thinking about for a while now and I seem to have forgotten how to do so. And it certainly does not help that I seem to have lost my passion for writing.

I need to get my mind off of things. I've been thinking about a lot of things recently and I don't know how to obliviate them from my mind, even for a while. I just can't seem to think properly right now. And the noisy group in front of me is certainly not helping. Can't they just freakin' go and leave me here to mope? I so need an alone time. It'll prolly make thinking easier. Pffft.

Anyway, I really don't have much to say. I prolly should go back to finishing my paper. I still need to get my ass home. Although I really don't mind staying here at school... but I reckon it'd be too freaky to be walking home when all the lights in the school have been switched off. *shudder*

Okay, allow me to be sidetracked. It just feels nice to be able to talk again to my bestfriends after a loooooong time of having no communication with them at all. Well, at least I've been exchanging text messages with Cy recently but I haven't really been able to talk to Bes since... I actually don't know when. ><. So yeah, even if our conversation today was just a few 'hi-hello's and what have you been up to?'s, I'm quite glad we had the chance to talk. :)

I really ought to be doing my paper. Now that the noisy group has finally left, I think my brain cells would be able to resume working. Wish me luck. XD

Basta.

Basta, yun lang yun.

Bow.

Birthday Blues

For some unknown, strange reasons, I'm starting to dread my birthday...

It just feels weird. I thought I was over this already. Apparently, I was wrong...

It's not even an issue of turning a year older. More of a there goes another useless year of my life feeling. Oh, and I am so not being emo, thank you very much. I prefer to call it random burst of unwanted thoughts. Definitely harmful to my mental health. Tsk.

No Voice

I wanna run through the halls of my high school

I wanna scream at the

Top of my lungs

I just found out there's no such thing as the real world

just a lie you've got to rise above

First Days Never Die

Technically, I don't have classes today but I still ended up being in school before seven freakin' thirty. But I guess it was kind of... fun?

• I wasn't sure if I was really able to get some sleep. It felt like my brain was half-awake the whole time, writing some ridiculous story in my head. It must be because of the fic I was reading before I went to bed. Weird.
• I don't mind waking up early and being sabaw all day just as long as... *smug face*
• I definitely hate kroo kroo moments.
• The Math Department's secretary and the maintenance people at CTC thought I was a freshman. Woot~!
• I was bored. I was trapped in Faura due to the heavy rain. The first year ECE students don't have a teacher yet. I ended up taking over. Awkward, i tell ya.
• I had to stop at the middle of the overpass because I was so hungry, I didn't think I can make another step. I bet i looked stupid.
• I had lunch at Shakey's with Chaii, Via, and Elaine. JP and Miguel soon followed because we couldn't finish the food by ourselves. LOL.
• I tried to be civil. Really, i did.
• Natulog ako ng bonggang bongga. Period.

THE END. *bow*

Exorcise Me

gawds, i think i'm possessed by some emo spirit and i can't effin' get rid of it. :|

and Kris Allen's version of Falling Slowly playing (repeatedly) in the background is so not helping...

and looking at photos from before is definitely not helping either...

and staying up late and thinking about random things is just making it worse...

...

...

...

...i so need an exorcist.

Tantrums. Bow.

nag-tantrums ako kanina...

as in yung solid na tantrums na umiiyak na tapos sinisipa at binabato na yung mga gamit.

wala lang.. trip-trip lang.

gusto ko lang asarin si kuya. haha LOL

pinagbigyan niya rin naman ako after 30min or so ng pagta-tantrums..

..at siya pa ang nagligpit ng kinalat ko.

haha, san ka pa? WINNER! :))

eh?!

It occured to me just now that Shia LaBeouf reminds me so much of Naruto. yeah, Naruto -- the blue-eyed blonde anime guy.

...

...

...

I don't know why... I just do.

MSE - defined!

MSE

- a subject designed to make students go crazy due to its unrivaled epic-ness

- equivalent to 499 pdf slides (just a little bit more to reach 500)

- approximately 27 pages (bond-paper sized) of hand-written notes

- more than 420 terms covered (and still counting...)

- makes up 30% of the class standing

- may or may not (usually not) be defeated by a venti-sized coffee

- can cause stress which, more often than not, lead to extreme fatigue and in worst case scenarios, catastrophic failures

WARNING: too much exposure to this subject may lead to an exponential decrease in the number of brain cells. it is advised to stay away from it as much as possible and to pretend it never existed.

almost there...

putanginang shet.

ayoko na mag-aral...

nakakaiyak sa dami ung MSE.

A Different Shade of Green

I felt sick ever since we had that quiz in EngMa this morning (yesterday, technically). It's just a mild headache but it won't go away. I tried to sleep it off but it was still there when I woke up. 

I hate this. I can't be sick. And I don't even know what to do with it.

Medicine is off the list. Sleep is not working either. I tried icecream, too, but it just got worse. Maybe chocolate will help...? Hmm.

If i still have this freakin' headache tomorrow, i don't think i'd be in school. But we have a quiz in EngMa (surprise, surprise) and a long test on Wednesday so i guess there really isn't much of a choice. And that other headache-inducing-subject, MSE, will also have another long test on Friday so, yeah, good luck to me and my pet headache.

I hope i survive this last two weeks of summer. I seriously need a break.

Pause. Slow-mo. Play.

To whom it may concern:

You have already taken away the fun in my summer.

Robbed me of my well-deserved sleep.

Trampled on my confidence repeatedly.

Crushed my hopes indefinitely.

Left me wallowing in my miseries. 

And now my brain cells are dying, if not already dead.

What more do you fucking want?

What more can you possibly do?

Make me go through this hell again?

I have had enough, thank you very much.

I shall have my sweet revenge when the time comes.

ano daw?

magulo kang tao.

wala lang. 

XD

Reminiscing

(I promise i'm going to study after this, so just let me rant for now)

I was browsing through my old multiply albums when i saw this picure. This was taken last year at Catanduanes when we had this spontaneous trip to Karin's place. Which then reminds me how much i miss spending time with them. 

I miss the videoke sessions, the sabaw talks (even without the booze), the anime marathons, the sleepovers, the random and completely nonsensical fanfictions, the crazy, spontaneous stuffs we do every now and then, and well, i simply miss hanging out with them.

Maybe, if time permits, we can do something crazy again before first semester starts. And maybe we can drag along t-chan, d'rin, and dun-chan. Wittle Fweax unite once again, huh? That'll be fun for sure.

I sure miss those days.

Bursting my Thought Bubbles

I've been wanting to write an update for quite a while now but i just can't seem to get into the mood. I must have attempted to write a number of times, only to delete everything when i lose my train of thoughts. It's funny how my thought bubbles seem to be bursting one after the other.

I think i need a mind reader. As much as i want to talk about things, i can't seem to put them into words. I needed them out of my head but i can't. Of all the times i've relied on writing to put my mind into ease, it just have to fail me now. I'm running out of options.

I honestly hate writing with depth. I mean, i do love writing, but not when i have to write something that would make me really think. I prefer the random, witty, and funny ones, thank you very much. But lately, i can't seem to stop thinking about everything and nothing, it's starting to drive me insane. And as much as i wanted to keep an i-don't-care-what-happens-fuck-the-world attitude, it just doesn't seem to be working right now. Which leaves me to my dilemma of having to resolve this problem of thinking too much by jotting them down and coming up with a reasonable solution. It's a cyclic process and i don't know where to start.

edit:

Bubble Bursts

1. The fact that i'm already in the fourth year of college hell is not yet sinking in.

2. I realized that i've been missing that weird feeling, whenever i'm watching anime, for quite some time now. It's good to feel it again. :)

3. A little voice inside my head won't stop bothering me. I hope it would shut up soon.

4. I've been thinking about going to Taiwan for our OJT. *wishful thinking*

5. I think i still haven't gotten over last sem's hullabaloo.

6. I'm trying, but utterly failing, to like my subjects this summer. 

7. I miss writing fanfictions.

8. I hate the fact that i think that i'm finally maturing.

9. I feel like i'm missing something but i don't know what it is.

Well, after much thinking, i came up with this list which i may, or may not, elaborate on my future entries. Chances are, i won't be going to, but if i have to keep myself sane for a longer period of time, i guess i have no choice.  

Out of My League

Cos it's frightening to be 
swimming in this strange sea 
but i'd rather be here than on land...

yes she's all that i see 

and she's all that i need 

and i'm out of my league once again...