LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT

I, Rachel, do proclaim this to be my Last Will and Testament. I hereby declare that:

I.                   Should I die, I wish to be buried in a ninja outfit. After the rites of the Roman Catholic Church have been observed, my death would be celebrated by singing my favorite songs in karaoke while drinking beer or wine, to make up for all those times I wasn’t able to drink alcohol because of my allergy. All the music in my computer should be played during my wake and it would last until the last song had been played.

II.             To my beloved parents, I give to you whatever remains of my allowance, as well as my P5 coin bank, which I’ve been saving up all these years. Mom, you can finally get rid of all those stuff toys I keep with me in my bed. Maybe you can donate them to some day care center.

III.           To my sisters, Lyn and Joy, you can have my clothes and shoes and all the girl stuff in my closet. You can also have my dear laptop, Kuro-chan. Watch out for its charger – it attacks when you’re not looking.

IV.           To my older brother, Kuya Bon, you can have my electronics-related books. You can have them all. You may also burn them if you want and build a mini bonfire and use it to roast hotdogs and marshmallows and failed exams.

V.                To my younger brother, Emon, my basketball is all yours (though I’m not sure if it still bounces). You can also have my basketball jersey (to make up for all those times I stole yours) and my Ateneo jacket.

VI.             To my best friend, Karin, I entrust to you my Slam Dunk manga collection. It would be such a shame if it would just be buried with me. I couldn’t possibly read that in my grave – they don’t place light bulbs in your casket, you know. You also have my permission to hack my online accounts. You can use them to scare the shit out of people.

VII.          To my friend, Aimee, I know you wanted my Slam Dunk-themed whiteboard. Steal it in my room if you can. Also, do me a favor and burn all my notebooks with my rants on it. The world would be such a better place if they did not know of my drama.

VIII.       To my friend, Chaii, I’m giving you my collection of folded stars and my glow-in-the-dark stars.

IX.            To my friend, Ronna, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to return all the books I borrowed from you. You can have them back now.

X.                To my friend, Cameh, you can have the sandals I recently bought in replacement for that sandals I damaged last time.

XI.         To my friend, Julia, since you specifically asked for my hair, I guess you can have it. It wouldn’t matter because I’d be wearing a ninja outfit when I get buried and they wouldn’t notice if I have hair or not.

XII.           To my Pokémon-loving friends, I have five miniature Pokémon collectibles in my room so equip your Pokéballs and get ready to catch them. Beware though – I also have a Pokémon trainer with them.

XIII.         To the man of my dreams, it’s such a shame we weren’t able to meet each other. Still, I give you my heart. And no, I don’t mean literally.

XIV.       To all the people I have encountered in the short time that I had, you will forever have my love.

Written after two shots of beer, in the wee hours of the morning, this 9th day of September, 2010, on my bed, in my room, somewhere in the world.

Signed,

Rachel