Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone stands
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
with the life held in your
hands are shaking cold
these hands are meant to hold


Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
move along, move along like I know you do
Even when your hope is gone
move along, move along just to make it through
move along, move along


So a day when you've lost yourself completely
could be a night where your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
hands are shaking cold
these hands are mine to hold



Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
move along, move along like I know you do
Even when your hope is gone
move along, move along just to make it through
move along, move along


When everything is wrong, we move along
Right back what is wrong, we move along

Love is the most important thing.

It's not about how much you have, how much you know, or how much you do. It's about how well you love. Love is what matters most.

How well I love, huh? I'm not really sure.

I feel like I need to do this so I can finally move on. This will be the last, I promise.

19 days. 19 more fucking days until the Most Dreaded Day(s) of the Year.

I know I'm running out of time. I know that. My heart is in a panic but at the same time, I just want to get this done and over with and move on to another phase in my life. This has been going on for far too long already and I feel like that during that entire time, I did more thinking than studying.

This exam is a pathetic excuse for a Licensure Exam.

I do not mean to offend anybody by this but it's true. I just don't see the point in memorizing a gazillion equations and bazillion of terms for this. Fuck, I haven't even encountered more than half of these terms and equations until we took up review and coaching classes. It's like 'take in everything you can until your brain explodes from too much fucking useless information'.

My mind just doesn't work that way. Tangina, kaya nga ako nag-engineer kasi ayokong mag-memorize tapos biglang ganito yung board exam? Tangina lang talaga.

If they really wanted to measure how much of an "engineer" we all are, then maybe they should start looking at the five years we spent in college rather than those six months that we tried to cram all the information in our heads in hopes of passing the board exam.

If I had wanted to memorize a bunch of stupid sections of laws or whatnot, I would have taken up Law, goddammit.

I'm not even sure why I'm doing this. I don't know if I still want this. I am no quitter but I'm tired of fighting. I just don't see the point anymore.

Well, at this rate, I'm not getting my hopes up that I would actually pass the board exam. Of course I'd be happy if I did but I'm not giving myself any false hopes. I don't think I want this bad enough like others do. It's hard to do your best when you don't know what you're doing it for. I'll be giving it my best shot, though. And whatever happens after that, I'd leave it up to Him.

Kayo na Po ang bahala sakin, sa amin.

Manhid

Okay lang kasi kung ako lang pero nadadamay na yung ibang tao e.


Please naman, wag kang masyadong manhid. Hindi sayo umiikot ang mundo.

Enough with the fake smiles.

I miss you, too.

L-R: Me, Jan-Jan, Michael, Cameh, Chaii, a spot saved for Fran,
 Ronna, Jason, Benny, Railla, Miguel, Ryan, Gerrald, Mae

I mean, U2.

I miss my blockmates. I wonder when we can have another get-together like this one. It's like we're all over the place and we can't even sit for a dinner once in a while. Jan-Jan's in Saudi for his MS, Gerrald's in Singapore for training, Benny's in Canada, and the rest are either working or reviewing for the board exam. Everybody's been so busy and with the exception of Ronna and Mae, who at least I still regularly see, I haven't seen the rest of my blockmates or talk to them, at the very least.

Well, hopefully after the board exam we can have a block dinner again or something. It would be nice to see them again. :)

On another note, I'm looking forward to having dinner with Chaii, Cameh and Ronna this Thursday. We've been planning this for so long and I'm glad we've finally set aside time for it. :)

We're past the point of no return.

Pano kung ayoko na pala? Kung biglang suko na ako?

Things to do After the Board Exam

watch:

• Naruto Shippuuden
• Natsume Yuujinchou San
• Bleach
• Katekyo Hitman Reborn
• Ano Hi Mita Hana
• Nurarihyon no Mago
• Death Note
• Ao no Exorcist
• Detective Conan
• No. 6
• Hunter x Hunter
• Break Blade
• Psych (season 6)
• Game of Thrones (season 1 -2)

read:

• Sophie's World
• Game of Thrones
• Quidditch Through the Ages
• Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

others:

• get passport
• learn how to drive (and get a driver's license)
• apply for job

My things to watch got a little out of hand. And I may have forgotten a few things. I'll get back on this last later. 

"Life wasn't nearly as hard as he'd thought, it was dying that was the hard part. Living when you knew for sure it wasn't forever. That was hard."

(Cinnamon, Beautiful World)

sinabi ko naman sayo na wag na, pero ang kulit mo.

last na yun, ha? lagi ka na lang nasasaktan e.

please lang, teh, tama na, okay?