I feel like I need to do this so I can finally move on. This will be the last, I promise.

19 days. 19 more fucking days until the Most Dreaded Day(s) of the Year.

I know I'm running out of time. I know that. My heart is in a panic but at the same time, I just want to get this done and over with and move on to another phase in my life. This has been going on for far too long already and I feel like that during that entire time, I did more thinking than studying.

This exam is a pathetic excuse for a Licensure Exam.

I do not mean to offend anybody by this but it's true. I just don't see the point in memorizing a gazillion equations and bazillion of terms for this. Fuck, I haven't even encountered more than half of these terms and equations until we took up review and coaching classes. It's like 'take in everything you can until your brain explodes from too much fucking useless information'.

My mind just doesn't work that way. Tangina, kaya nga ako nag-engineer kasi ayokong mag-memorize tapos biglang ganito yung board exam? Tangina lang talaga.

If they really wanted to measure how much of an "engineer" we all are, then maybe they should start looking at the five years we spent in college rather than those six months that we tried to cram all the information in our heads in hopes of passing the board exam.

If I had wanted to memorize a bunch of stupid sections of laws or whatnot, I would have taken up Law, goddammit.

I'm not even sure why I'm doing this. I don't know if I still want this. I am no quitter but I'm tired of fighting. I just don't see the point anymore.

Well, at this rate, I'm not getting my hopes up that I would actually pass the board exam. Of course I'd be happy if I did but I'm not giving myself any false hopes. I don't think I want this bad enough like others do. It's hard to do your best when you don't know what you're doing it for. I'll be giving it my best shot, though. And whatever happens after that, I'd leave it up to Him.

Kayo na Po ang bahala sakin, sa amin.