Ah, fuck this.

I don't know how to start ranting without giving away the fact who I'm pissed off at lately. I don't want to name names, if I can. It's just... it stresses me up so much and I can't focus and it's stupid. Really stupid. I get pissed off at every little thing they do or say and it's unhealthy.

Kung nakakamatay ang sama ng loob, I'd probably be dead by now.

私はこれができない。

私はあなたと一緒にできない。

私はここからにげたい。やがて。

Just a rant before I go to bed

It's cold, I feel like I'm running a slight temperature and I'm getting pissed at a lot of things easily. Ugh.


I'm not sure why I even check social networking sites (except for tumblr) only to be annoyed when I read about people post about how they're doing this or that and which only sounds like they're fucking showing off. We get it okay? We fucking get it. You don't need to proclaim to the world how much of an accomplished person you are. Or how you're prancing around almost practically everywhere.

Just... fucking shut up, okay? If it weren't so rude to unfollow you, I will. Well, I think I just might. We're not even close in the first place. Tsk.


____


I'm sorry. I just need inner peace right now.

Lies!

Dear subconscious,

When I said thought I wanted to see him in my dreams, I was being sarcastic, you know. You didn't have to take me so seriously. And you didn't have to make him so nice in my dream. That's like defying all laws of gravity and whatnot. He is definitely not nice.

Also, I think he doesn't have a younger brother. Stop making up fake people (even though I know it's a dream).

I can't really remember what the dream was. I just remember saying that his younger brother pwnd me somehow. I can't recall what he did, though. Apparently, someone else's younger brother also pwnd me earlier in my dream and that would make two kids bullying me in my dream. God, I'm such a push-over.

I don't even know why I'm writing this. Just... next time, when I say I want to see him, don't listen to me, okay?


Love,
Rachel


P.S.
I don't know why I used the word "pwnd". I don't know any other words to describe what happened and it was the first thing that was on my mind when I woke up.

Hello, lover.

Oh, I meant "blogger". Silly me.

I guess I haven't been writing much lately. Well, except for a few random snippets of my thoughts which rarely make sense at all.

I miss writing. I miss it so damn much. But words are escaping me lately. I feel like my muses have abandoned me for good (I really hope they didn't, for the love of my sanity).

See? This is hopeless. I've been trying to write something for the past hour or so and it's not working. My mind refuses to dwell on the things I want to talk about and it's making everything so damn hard because I honestly can't focus on anything else when I'm like this. I rarely talk about things and now that I can't even write about them, I feel like I'm going to explode. I haven't even seriously started studying for the board exam yet (except for the homeworks) and I know this can't go on for much longer, unless I want to royally fuck up during the exam proper.

I really need to do something to get my muses back. I need to write again. I have to.

Hindi naman ako nagseselos eh.

konti lang.

I made a new blog.

I call it "An Idiot's Guide for the ECE Board Exam".

It's a relatively useless blog, if I may say. Maybe I'll post some useless "tips" and random notes and whatsoever. God, I'm wasting so much cyberspace.

Everyone's calling me "Razzi" all of a sudden

It's kind of freaking me out.

No one except my high school friends calls me by that name until recently. I mean, it's fine with me but I just find it weird to hear someone who is not from high school call me that.

But it's cool, don't worry. I just need to get used to it. Haha.

You can call me by any name. You can even call me Mrs. Cumberbatch. But that's another story. :D

I've been Cumberbatched

Mr. Cumberbatch, sir,

If you would be so kind and get yourself out of my head, that would be very much appreciated. Review classes have started and I cannot afford to let you occupy what little of the remaining space I have in my brain.

Oh god, you. Just stop being so… so… oh, I don’t even know what to call you.

Thank you.


Sincerely,
Rachel

hold on to that steering wheel
and I'll take the passenger seat
we'll have the stereo on full-blast
and travel that road to nowhere

my heart is yours to fill or burst
to break or bury
or wear as jewelry
whichever you prefer