And the Boredom Begins...

[ONE] Who was your last text from?
Via. Something about old school power rangers. haha

[TWO] Where was your default pic taken?
F308. We were supposed to be doing our thesis but I ended up browsing the internet. :P

[THREE] Your relationship status?
Single. But my heart is fully taken. Haha chos.

[FOUR] Have you ever lost a close friend?
No.

[FIVE] What is your current mood?
Bored but happy. :)

[SIX] What's your brother(s)/sister(s) names?
Bon, Emon, Lyn, Joy

[SEVEN] Have you ever been torn between two lovers?
Between crushes, yes. And not only two. *insert evil malandi laugh here*

[EIGHT] Where do you wish you were right now?
On some island escapade.

[NINE] Have a crazy side?
If I don't know any better, crazy could be my middle name.

[TEN] Have you ever had a near death experience?
I'm not sure... I don't think it's that close to death. It just feels like it.

[ELEVEN] Something you do a lot?
Procrastinate. And then cram afterwards.

[TWELVE] Angry at anyone?
I think I'm past the angry stage. It's more of indifference now.

[THIRTEEN] When was the last time you cried?
A few minutes ago? I was watching anime.

[FOURTEEN] Is there anyone you would do anything for?
Yes.

[FIFTEEN] What do you think about when you are falling asleep?
The what ifs and could have beens.

[SIXTEEN] Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
My mom.

[SEVENTEEN] What is your favorite song?
It depends on my mood. Right now, hmm, it's King of Anything.

[EIGHTEEN] What are you doing right now?
Taking a break from my anime marathon.

[TWENTY] Who do you trust right now?
A lot of people.

[TWENTY-ONE] Where did you get the shirt you are wearing?
AECES.

[TWENTY-TWO] Have you kissed someone in the past week?
No. Not really, no.

[TWENTY-THREE] Who are your friends that live closest to you?
Ronna is just a few blocks away.

[TWENTY-FOUR] Describe your life in one word.
Knot.

[TWENTY-FIVE] Who are you thinking of right now?
No one in particular.

[TWENTY-SIX] What should you be doing right now?
My thesis. Ohnoes!

[TWENTY-SEVEN] What are you listening to?
The sound of the rain.

[TWENTY-EIGHT] Who was the last person who gave you a hug?
Momi Mae. Or Kelvin.

[TWENTY-NINE] Who was the last person who yelled at you?
I don't remember anyone yelling at me.

[THIRTY] What is your natural hair color?
Black.

[THIRTY-TWO] Who was the last person to make you laugh?
Watanuki.

[THIRTY-THREE] Who was the last person to make you sad?
Well, he's the only reason why I'm down recently.

[THIRTY-FOUR] What do you hear?
My heart breaking... not. The usual Katipunan noise. And the rain.

[THIRTY-FIVE] Is your hair curly or straight?
Messy straight. I haven't combed my hair yet.

[THIRTY-SIX] Has anyone ever called you "scrumptious" before?
Haha, no one.

[THIRTY-SEVEN] Do you have a best friend?
Yup. :)

[THIRTY-EIGHT] Held hands with the opposite sex in the past 3 days?
I think?

[THIRTY-NINE] Do you use smiley faces on the computer?
Why not? It's fun.

[FORTY] Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
I cannot remember.

[FORTY-ONE] Are you happy with life right now?
Sort of. But it could be better.

[FORTY-TWO] Are you currently jealous?
Maybe.

[FORTY-THREE] What jewelry are you currently wearing?
My watch.

[FORTY-FOUR] What were you doing last Friday night?
Partying. No, not really. But I was sort of celebrating the start of my sembreak. I was asleep before 11PM.

[FORTY-FIVE] Have you ever had your heart broken?
next question...

[FORTY-SIX] Have you ever broke someone's heart?
I hope not. D:

[FORTY-SEVEN] Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now?
Myself?

[FORTY-EIGHT] What was the last reason you went to the doctor for?
That was the time I found out that I was horribly, horribly allergic to alcohol.

[FORTY-NINE] How late did you stay up last night and why?
I was in bed before 9! But that was only because I stayed up until 6am the night (morning?) before.

[FIFTY]Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
I can't even have a single crush for more than a month. Meh.

A Different Kind of Heartache

I feel like my chest is going to burst from maybe too much sadness, too much stress, too much pressure, too much whatever-the-fuck-it-is-called.

I just want it to stop. I can't handle this right now. I really can't.


Okay, ang sakit ng heart ko. Yun lang talaga yung gusto kong sabihin.

Of Blue Eyes and Red Hairs

Happy HanaRuHana Day!

10/11/10. I've been waiting for this day for almost nine years, you have no idea how ecstatic I am right now. I don't even know if I can put into words how extremely lucky I feel I am to be born in this millennium. I've always been a fan girl at heart and even when school work is pulling me back to reality most of the time, I've never been less of a fan girl.

I'm just... incredibly happy right now. I have this genuine smile on my face. That kind of smile that even when you try to get rid of it, it just keeps going back. I love it whenever I feel this way. It feels amazing.

A Very Binary Post

Somewhere in the world, people are celebrating this day because the date happens only once every one hundred years. Don't they realize that that is the case for every date, every single day? Well, I rest my case. I have my own reasons for celebrating.

First is because it's Naruto's birthday. I'll gladly punch you in the face if you tell me that's a stupid reason for celebrating. No, don't even start. I'm not going to hear it. I still do celebrate my favorite anime characters' birthdays and I don't think I'm going to stop any time soon.

Second, it's because the date is so binary. The geek in me is telling me to celebrate my geekiness. I wonder how people reacted during 10/10/1010. My geek ancestors must have been ecstatic. Hahaha. 101010 is equivalent to 42 in binary. It's an ugly number, if you ask me, but it's divisible by 7 so I can tolerate it that much. And I just found out that 42 is supposedly "the answer to life, the universe and everything". Well, if you put it that way, that makes today special on a whole new level.

On an entirely philosophical note, though, sometimes I think it's better if people think in binary. I mean, not necessarily 1s and 0s but more of just two sides of a pole. Nothing in between. Just black and white, no gray areas. It would be easier that way. No unnecessary what ifs because you'll know exactly what will happen if you choose one over the other. But then again, that would be boring. I don't even know why I'm starting to think philosophically. It must be the date.

Quick! Grab a jar, I'm melting!

asdfawlerja;dnADLad.safnalkerwefn

I felt like I just died and went to heaven. I wish I didn't go anonymous. ;))

I haven't heard from him in a really, really long time and I wasn't lying when I said that I miss him. I mostly miss him on days when I brood (like last night) and I wasn't really expecting a reply from him. It made me ecstatic that he actually did. Haha. *swoon*

Let's just stop this, once and for all

I swear, one of these days, I might just punch you in the face and demand for a reason why we're not talking -- why you're not talking to me. There shouldn't have been a problem with us talking. You're just making things difficult.

I just... don't know what else to say to you anymore. I'm tired of starting all the "small talks". I'm tired of the awkward silence between us. I'm tired of being angry at you for deliberately shooting down the drain whatever effort I make in fixing this, whatever this is.

Kaya please, kung galit ka sakin, sabihin mo na lang. I don't think I would be able to take much of this shit any longer.


God, it's starting to sound like we're having an affair. Ha, you wish.

If I get any bluer than this, I'll turn gray.

I'm panicking.

I'm stressed out.

I badly need a hug right now.

And I need someone to tell me that everything's gonna be okay after tomorrow's hullabaloo is over.

Of Surprise Parties and Two Left Feet

There was a surprise party for me and all my high school and college friends were there. And just when the party was about to end, the guys started lining up and they danced with me one by one (it was like dancing with your 18 roses for your debut). It couldn't have gotten any weirder than that. Ugh.

The party flattered  me. I mean, I'm not going anywhere or something. Maybe it's just a hangover of Jan-Jan and Julia's Despedida party. But the dancing part? No, just... no. I don't dance. I don't like dancing very much. Especially if it's like the type of dance you do during proms and debuts. The kind of dance where you need to have your hands on the guy's shoulders and you have to be really close to each other. No, I really don't like that. It's like... invasion of my personal space. Sigh. It's a good thing it was just a dream.

LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT

I, Rachel, do proclaim this to be my Last Will and Testament. I hereby declare that:

I.                   Should I die, I wish to be buried in a ninja outfit. After the rites of the Roman Catholic Church have been observed, my death would be celebrated by singing my favorite songs in karaoke while drinking beer or wine, to make up for all those times I wasn’t able to drink alcohol because of my allergy. All the music in my computer should be played during my wake and it would last until the last song had been played.

II.             To my beloved parents, I give to you whatever remains of my allowance, as well as my P5 coin bank, which I’ve been saving up all these years. Mom, you can finally get rid of all those stuff toys I keep with me in my bed. Maybe you can donate them to some day care center.

III.           To my sisters, Lyn and Joy, you can have my clothes and shoes and all the girl stuff in my closet. You can also have my dear laptop, Kuro-chan. Watch out for its charger – it attacks when you’re not looking.

IV.           To my older brother, Kuya Bon, you can have my electronics-related books. You can have them all. You may also burn them if you want and build a mini bonfire and use it to roast hotdogs and marshmallows and failed exams.

V.                To my younger brother, Emon, my basketball is all yours (though I’m not sure if it still bounces). You can also have my basketball jersey (to make up for all those times I stole yours) and my Ateneo jacket.

VI.             To my best friend, Karin, I entrust to you my Slam Dunk manga collection. It would be such a shame if it would just be buried with me. I couldn’t possibly read that in my grave – they don’t place light bulbs in your casket, you know. You also have my permission to hack my online accounts. You can use them to scare the shit out of people.

VII.          To my friend, Aimee, I know you wanted my Slam Dunk-themed whiteboard. Steal it in my room if you can. Also, do me a favor and burn all my notebooks with my rants on it. The world would be such a better place if they did not know of my drama.

VIII.       To my friend, Chaii, I’m giving you my collection of folded stars and my glow-in-the-dark stars.

IX.            To my friend, Ronna, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to return all the books I borrowed from you. You can have them back now.

X.                To my friend, Cameh, you can have the sandals I recently bought in replacement for that sandals I damaged last time.

XI.         To my friend, Julia, since you specifically asked for my hair, I guess you can have it. It wouldn’t matter because I’d be wearing a ninja outfit when I get buried and they wouldn’t notice if I have hair or not.

XII.           To my Pokémon-loving friends, I have five miniature Pokémon collectibles in my room so equip your Pokéballs and get ready to catch them. Beware though – I also have a Pokémon trainer with them.

XIII.         To the man of my dreams, it’s such a shame we weren’t able to meet each other. Still, I give you my heart. And no, I don’t mean literally.

XIV.       To all the people I have encountered in the short time that I had, you will forever have my love.

Written after two shots of beer, in the wee hours of the morning, this 9th day of September, 2010, on my bed, in my room, somewhere in the world.

Signed,

Rachel

Running in Circles

I'm doing it again.

Running away, that is. I just... don't feel like dealing with anything right now. It's easier this way -- it always has been. I want to dig up a hole and crawl in it, deep enough where the sun doesn't shine. Deep enough so I can't hear the footsteps of people walking above me. Deep enough that I can pretend I'm in another world.

I'm not really sure what's wrong with me right now. I'm sat here in a corner with my foot up the couch. It would have been perfect except for the frown on my face. Despite the fact that the room is full of people, I feel so... alone. I'm not lonely, well maybe just a bit, but it's different from being alone. It's my fault, though. My introvert side is acting up again. But as much as I wanted to be left alone right now, I want some company. Someone who would stay with me but at the same time, let me be. Someone who doesn't need to talk to me because they'd already understand without me saying a word.

But maybe I just need my best friend to hit me in the head with a paper fan and ask me what the fuck am I doing.