Sugar Crash

You know that feeling, when you're insanely happy that you feel like your heart is going to burst from too much happiness but then something happens and all that positive energy becomes negative in an instant?

That's exactly what I'm feeling right now.

Sometimes I think I'm being over-emotional about some things. It doesn't take much to please me but it takes only one little thing to burst that bliss bubble. I wish I weren't that simple. That it would take more than that to make me happy so that I wouldn't care much when things start to get fucked up. But then, that means I would be giving up my happiness in exchange for not getting disappointed, or hurt even. And that would be like cheating myself -- depriving myself of the simple pleasures of life because I'm too much of a coward to face the reality that the world is indeed fucked up.

Sigh.

Okay, I'm thinking more rationally now. Or at least I hope so. Maybe the reason why I feel so down easily is because I'm expecting too much. I'm caught up in this stupid delusion that everything would turn out right in the end. That things would go the way I want them to be. I know deep down that it's nearly impossible but that doesn't stop me from hoping -- from rooting for that small chance that maybe, just maybe, it would indeed happen. But then again, I think I'm just fooling myself. I've been fooling myself for years now.

Denial is a sad thing. Delusion is worse.