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Hello.

I just realized I haven't posted anything for more than a year. I hope I can do better this year.

So this is my "hello, I'm sort of back" post and I'm looking forward to writing more.

Happy New Year!


xx

Non-Message Received

For the longest time I didn't want to get it but it's probably time that I did cause it's messing with my head and I hate that I'm always second-guessing myself.

So yeah, I'm not sure if you were really trying to send that message, but I get it.

Banoffee Pie

Fuck.

How are you still not over someone who you've met five years ago, who's probably someone who was just pretending to be this really cool person who happened to just vanish one day like they never even existed at all?

Except they fucking left marks everywhere, goddammit.

I fucking hate a never ending story.

Trick or Treat

We had a trick or treat at work for the employees' kids and I wasn't really planning to dress up or anything but I found this really cool dress/cloak outfit so I played around with it and some eyeliner and ta-da~! my instant Halloween outfit haha

(PS: I love my red nails! hahaha)

Reading List

I have a horrid habit of reading books and not finishing them so in an attempt to actually finish all those books I've started, I'm gonna keep up some sort of reading list here as a reminder.

• Game of Thrones
• Life of Pi
• Sophie's World
• The Time Keeper [11.29.13]
• The Book of Merlyn
• The Tempest [currently reading]
• Robin Hood
• Stardust [11.25.13]
• The Fault in Our Stars

(Also, hi blog. It's been a long time since I've last wrote something. Hopefully I can remedy that soon-ish.)

Dear subconscious,

Wow. Really? Did you really have to do that?

I've been minding my own business and keeping to myself for months now and then you suddenly do this to me? I have no words. This was even worse than the previous ones. Hngrhajaskfdkj.

I feel like I'm terribly sick. But I don't want to see a doctor because I'm terrified of hospitals and anything related to medicine.

I'm serious, though. This isn't one of my "ohmygod I'm going to die" moments of exaggerated pain and paranoia. I seriously think I'm sick. Probably, but I really really really fucking hope not, the dreaded C word. And it scares the fuck out of me.

Like, how do you even tell people that you think you're sick? They'd probably just tell you to "man up" and "stop exaggerating". And God, I hope I'm only exaggerating.

It's not like I haven't thought of going to the doctor to make sure. But just the mere thought of seeing a doctor makes me cry and hyperventilate and possibly break down from an anxiety attack. So I convince myself that I'm okay even though I'm pretty sure I'm not okay and I know this is probably the dumbest thing I've ever done (or didn't do) but I don't really know what to do and everything about this is making me freak out.

Dream Frenzy

Dear subconscious,

Flying potatoes on a pogo stick, just what the fuck are you smoking!?

I mean, what the fuck was that!?

I absolutely have no words for my dreams recently. And it doesn't help that I might be a bit of a seer because even if there is just .001% of my dream happening, just the thought that it might happen is enough to make me panic.

I don't really mind the snogging part. I mean, I've read a lot of fanfictions so I'm definitely not a prude. But what really got me panicking was who I was snogging. I mean, he's okay but I don't even like like him. And I woke up and I was like "fuck fuckity fuck what the fuck was that why". Just... oh god, no.

And as if that wasn't enough, I'm not sure if last night's dream was worse or not but I was getting married. Almost. But holy guacamole, I don't even have a boyfriend and suddenly I'm dreaming of marriage? What the actual fuck. No no no no no. Totally not okay.

I don't think I can take another dream hinting to any kind of relationship so please please please, subconscious, I am begging you, give me a decent dream tonight. Something with rainbows or butterflies or unicorns or OTP-related fluff. Just leave my non-existent love life alone. I can handle it on my own, thanks very much.


severely concerned and traumatized,
Rachel

i sent you a message in a bottle
and tossed it in the sea
hoping you'll read it someday
and maybe you'll come back to me

This sentence has five words.

Here are five more words.

Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety.

Now listen.

I vary the sentence length, and I create music.

Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony.

I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length.

And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals–sounds that say listen to this:

it is important.

(Gary Provost)