Of Meteor Showers and Brandies

(This is an overdue post, dated 15th of December 2007. I found this on a piece of paper when I was rummaging my things. Haha.)

2:17 am

Spontaneous parties are the best parties that could ever happen. No programs, no expected visitors, no plans whatsoever. Just pure fun. And it's the third time I drank this school year -- first one this semester. It's Fundador this time. lol

It's close to 5am already... I'm 20 hours awake and still counting... I think I just had a few minute-long eye-shuts and that's all the sleep I got for the night.

Five minutes to 5 and still wide awake. Here I am in McDonalds this early in the morning, acting like some nerd, reading my Psychology book. Yup, I finished the whole goddamned boring chapter.

I had a few shots of brandy diluted in coke last night. And a cup of red wine. I'm not drunk, seriously. Just... sleep deprived, I guess. I look like hell I think. Gah! But the best thing about last night was the meteor shower. It was fun gazing at the night sky, waiting for millisecond-long meteor showers. But I wasn't able to wish for something in the end. Boo. I'm such a loser. >.<

Gah! I'm too tired. Myabe I'm dying. Shit. No way. I wanna go home and get some sleep. Help me. I'm dying. Seriously. I'm starting to look stupid here. Geez, c'mon. I've been here for like, four hours or so. It's getting cold and I want my blanket. I'm getting a bit light-headed. Shit. What am I gonna do? I have a class in three hours. I haven't gone home yet. I haven't had any sleep. And I just want to lie in my bed. Forever, if possible. Wah, I'm writing nonsense. Blch. I wanna take a bath! T.T Toture, bloody torture.

(hahahaha ang sabaw ko lang nito.)

Ayoko na.

It's the same thing happening all over again.

Did I do something wrong? Or is it because I didn't do anything in the first place?

We've played this game before and I don't want to go through all of that again.


You'd know you've been really hurt when you cried over something more than you've cried over the last Harry Potter movie.

"Isn't it beautiful? I don't think I've ever seen the sky this color. I love it."

"How can you say that? It's gray."

"Does that make it bad? You always know it'll turn back to blue. It's comforting."

"What if… it never turns back?"

"Then learn to love it when it's gray."

The introvert in me is asking for space.

I need my "me" time.

____________________

How much more accurate can my tarot reading get?


Sigh.

Am I being oversensitive? Or are people around me too insensitive to know I'm not in the mood?

'tang na loob. Leave me alone.

Ah, fuck this.

I don't know how to start ranting without giving away the fact who I'm pissed off at lately. I don't want to name names, if I can. It's just... it stresses me up so much and I can't focus and it's stupid. Really stupid. I get pissed off at every little thing they do or say and it's unhealthy.

Kung nakakamatay ang sama ng loob, I'd probably be dead by now.

私はこれができない。

私はあなたと一緒にできない。

私はここからにげたい。やがて。

Just a rant before I go to bed

It's cold, I feel like I'm running a slight temperature and I'm getting pissed at a lot of things easily. Ugh.


I'm not sure why I even check social networking sites (except for tumblr) only to be annoyed when I read about people post about how they're doing this or that and which only sounds like they're fucking showing off. We get it okay? We fucking get it. You don't need to proclaim to the world how much of an accomplished person you are. Or how you're prancing around almost practically everywhere.

Just... fucking shut up, okay? If it weren't so rude to unfollow you, I will. Well, I think I just might. We're not even close in the first place. Tsk.


____


I'm sorry. I just need inner peace right now.

Lies!

Dear subconscious,

When I said thought I wanted to see him in my dreams, I was being sarcastic, you know. You didn't have to take me so seriously. And you didn't have to make him so nice in my dream. That's like defying all laws of gravity and whatnot. He is definitely not nice.

Also, I think he doesn't have a younger brother. Stop making up fake people (even though I know it's a dream).

I can't really remember what the dream was. I just remember saying that his younger brother pwnd me somehow. I can't recall what he did, though. Apparently, someone else's younger brother also pwnd me earlier in my dream and that would make two kids bullying me in my dream. God, I'm such a push-over.

I don't even know why I'm writing this. Just... next time, when I say I want to see him, don't listen to me, okay?


Love,
Rachel


P.S.
I don't know why I used the word "pwnd". I don't know any other words to describe what happened and it was the first thing that was on my mind when I woke up.

Hello, lover.

Oh, I meant "blogger". Silly me.

I guess I haven't been writing much lately. Well, except for a few random snippets of my thoughts which rarely make sense at all.

I miss writing. I miss it so damn much. But words are escaping me lately. I feel like my muses have abandoned me for good (I really hope they didn't, for the love of my sanity).

See? This is hopeless. I've been trying to write something for the past hour or so and it's not working. My mind refuses to dwell on the things I want to talk about and it's making everything so damn hard because I honestly can't focus on anything else when I'm like this. I rarely talk about things and now that I can't even write about them, I feel like I'm going to explode. I haven't even seriously started studying for the board exam yet (except for the homeworks) and I know this can't go on for much longer, unless I want to royally fuck up during the exam proper.

I really need to do something to get my muses back. I need to write again. I have to.

Hindi naman ako nagseselos eh.

konti lang.

I made a new blog.

I call it "An Idiot's Guide for the ECE Board Exam".

It's a relatively useless blog, if I may say. Maybe I'll post some useless "tips" and random notes and whatsoever. God, I'm wasting so much cyberspace.